Free Range by Bill Whitehead for July 30, 2024

It produces them on the “fry”.

Shades of Car 54 Where are you? Officers Toody and Muldoon.

Not shown: the box of a dozen doughnuts already on the seat between them.

“DDD we’re rollin’.”

One fine day in the last century I was trying to find the donut shop that made the best cinnamon rolls in New York. All I knew was that it was somewhere on lower Seventh Avenue. I followed two policemen and sure enough, they led me to it.

Admirable instinct. Like following a bee to the hive.

Affirmative, donut fret about it.

My eyes just glazed over thinking about doughhhhhnuts!

Apple fritters are my downfall.

They’ve got that glazed look in their eyes.

The stereotype of police eating donuts

Goes back to the fifties at least.

By that time, two franchises (still big today)

Had the donut shops vastly increased.

For cops on a night shift, few diners were open,

And bringing a bag wasn’t great,

But donut shops had to prepare for a rush

In the morning; they stayed open late.

The donuts came cheap and with no need to wait,

So the choice would continue by day.

What’s more, they provided a calorie burst;

On the beat, you could burn them away.

Some joints gave them free to police for protection.

The chiefs said, “Do not accept gifts.”

Regardless, the image of craving for donuts

Stays valid for cops on all shifts.

—me

Donut fret, we’re on the case.