The Buckets by Greg Cravens for September 06, 2024

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    Yakety Sax  4 months ago

    This Could Have Easily Escaladed

    I’ve parked and am walking up to the entrance to a pretty bougie fashion mall. I’m walking past the valet area when some angry dude gets in my way.

    Customer: “How long does someone have to wait to get some God-d*** valet service?!”

    Me: “Beats me, dude, I don’t—”

    Customer: Slams his keys into my hand. “It’s the Escalade! No tips since I had to wait so long!”

    Me: “Dude, I—”

    Customer: Already walking away. “—stop calling me ‘dude’, a**hole! It’s not professional!”

    And with that he’s marched inside the mall, leaving me with the keys to a $150,000 vehicle. I look over at the overworked valet drivers and realize there’s a line for valet; this jerk just didn’t want to wait in line.

    I’ve always wanted to drive an Escalade, so what the h***, I park it for him. I’m walking back to the mall intending to give the keys to the valet guys, when I see this jerk drinking coffee at one of the outside dining tables. I decide to let him know just what has transpired.

    Me: “Here’s the keys to your car, dude. By the way, I’m not a valet driver, just another customer like you. You just gave a complete stranger the keys to your car and called him an a**hole. I could have done anything I wanted to your car, but I parked it for you and I’m giving you back your keys. Remember that.”

    He goes pale at this knowledge, but regains his composure as I’m walking away.

    Customer: “Wait, where did you park my car?!”

    Me: “Anywhere I wanted! Have fun finding it!”

    I parked it in the furthest spot possible from the mall; helped me get my steps in for the day!

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    Doctor Toon  4 months ago

    Dogzilla might be smarter than Toby

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    HarryLime  4 months ago

    Perfect!!! The bigger the car, the bigger the donkey!

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    Just-me  4 months ago

    I think Dogzilla is more amenable to training.

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    cuzinron47  4 months ago

    He’s avoiding it.

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    j.painterjones  4 months ago

    Yakety Sax—EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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