(One of my coworkers brings in an icing-covered snack cake called a Ding Dong. Usually, they are covered with chocolate icing, but this one is vanilla, so the icing is white. My coworkers are all women, and I’m a guy.)
Coworker #1: “Look what I’ve got.”
Coworker #2:”Oh, a Ding Dong! I’ve never seen a white one.”
Coworker #3: “Yeah, I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong.”
Coworker #4: “I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong, either.”
I had a lady pick up [painkiller] for a dog. It was a pretty early refill and I was bored, so I went to our manager, and it turns out the dog had been filling this prescription all over town.
I just thought I’d try and broaden the search, so I just did the owner’s name and date of birth and found multiple other dog names all filling [painkiller]. I called the office and it turns out the vet this dog owner was using had just stepped down to be with her family and was not practicing. The owner used to work there but had been fired for calling in fake scripts. The office said they would take care of the issue.
The part that still makes me laugh about this whole sad situation was that the first dog’s name was Scrappy, and one of my techs chimed in, “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”
My husband and I are at a dollar store to get milk and a few snacks to last us the rest of the month. As we get in line, we count up the items we have, which is one more than we budgeted for, and are discussing how to pay for them.
There is a woman ahead of us just paying as we finish up.
Woman: “I want to pay for theirs.”
Husband: “What? Really?”
Me: “It’s just snacks; you don’t have to.”
Woman: “No, I want to pay for yours. Ring them up.”
The cashier rings up our items and the woman pays for them while we say thank you. Then, the woman leaves. The cashier starts bagging up our items.
Cashier: “That was unexpected; I thought you knew her.”
Husband: “No, we’ve never met her before in our lives.”
Cashier: “Wow!”
Me: “And these aren’t even essentials or anything!”
I’m helping a customer choose the right collar for their large dog. Another customer approaches us and talks to my customer.
Customer #2: “How did you get your dog to be so big?”
Customer #1: “He’s a Great Dane.”
Customer #2: Waves to the dog “Hi, Dane! You’re great!” Turns back to the customer “So, how did you get him to be so big? Is there like a special food or something?”
Our two-year-old toddler went through a phase where he would get jealous of the dog. He couldn’t speak much yet, but he understood most words.
One afternoon, I was sitting with our son while he ate a snack at a toddler table in the living room. My husband returned from walking the dog.
Husband: “Do you want a treat, [Dog]?”
He gave a dental hygiene chew stick to the dog, who happily gnawed on it on the floor. Our son began to cry. I realized the problem.
Me: “Oh, [Dog] is eating a snack, just like you. Except he eats his snack on the floor.”
It kind of worked. Our son stopped crying. He then bent down to carefully put a cracker on the carpet and picked it up with his mouth. Oh, well… I did say, “…just like you.” This one’s on me.
One day, I’m at the register, and sitting behind me out of the way is some food. Some of it is from our store, some from restaurants. One of my coworkers comes up and stares at the food.
Coworker: “What’s with all the food?”
Me: “People keep buying it and giving it to me.”
Coworker: “…Why?”
Me: “You get phone numbers. I apparently have a face that says, ‘Feed me; I’m hungry.’”
Coworker: “…I’d rather get the food instead of phone numbers.”
Good Thing He Didn’t Panic And Make The Situation Way Worse!
I am thirty-nine weeks pregnant with my third baby, my father had a stroke yesterday and is in the ICU, and I have just had a meeting with my obstetrician about some complications. In short, it’s a stressful and busy period of life.
I am sitting in my car in the car park having a cry when a small truck drives past me and scrapes my car. I wave the truck down, and a young man of sixteen gets out swearing and talking about what a terrible day he’s having. We take photos of each other’s licenses and vehicle damage, but as he drives away, I realise I stupidly forgot to get his plate number — needed for insurance — and phone number.
I message the details to my husband, at work, who immediately writes a letter to the address on the man’s license and sends it via express post, requesting the necessary information.
A few days later, my husband receives an email from the man claiming all sorts of things: the accident didn’t happen, the accident happened at night, there was no damage to either vehicle, and I had said it was fine and not to worry about it — all incorrect. He refuses to provide the requested details.
We talk to our insurance provider, who says they can’t help without the plate number, so they recommend visiting the address on the license or speaking to the police. My husband is unable to get to the address, and I’m certainly not going there by myself, so I visit the local police station. I give the officer all the relevant details, and she disappears into her office and comes back in ten minutes with a smile on her face.
Officer: “Well, we don’t have any contact details for the man himself, but I was able to find a phone number for his mum. She’s going to sort him out!”
Sure enough, within hours, we had contact from him and all the details we needed. I have a chuckle thinking about this boy getting in trouble with his mummy for being naughty!
I keep getting tickets from one user who receives an error as they attempt to do things before the program loads. This was a known issue if anyone had slower internet. Thankfully, we only need to open the program once a day; it does not time out.
After the fifth or sixth ticket, I could not find a way for them to understand “wait for the program to load fully before attempting to use it.” While banging my head, I play with my phone and find the user on Facebook. I see they have multiple dogs and cats and proudly display them (as one should).
I respond to the newest ticket.
Me: “After opening the program, it’s recommended for users to pet each cat and dog in the home. Once all the good boys and good girls have received their tribute, continue back to the program. Please reach out if each needs two or three tributes so I can update our procedures.”
I received a response the next day:
User: “Why didn’t someone tell me this the first time? It worked after I petted my three cats once and my two dogs twice. I should not have to open so many tickets before the actual procedure is given to me!”
Then they sent a complaint to my boss, who told them they would update the procedure promptly, which my boss did but added that if you do not have any pets, making a cup of tea/coffee would also work.
Every now and then, my wife and I will ask where to have dinner. Sometimes the response is “Chez Ozzie’s.” Ozzie’s is the local ice cream parlor. Who needs a main course when you can go straight to dessert?
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Allowed Snacks Only Once A Month
(My boyfriend and I are in a band trip heading home. Both of us are delirious with sleep deprivation.)
Boyfriend: looking in my purse “Oooh, do you have snacks in here?
Me: “No, wait, that’s—”
Boyfriend: pulls out a pad “Uh, never mind.”
seanfear about 2 months ago
never met someone with such quality – so good luck
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Some Snacks Are Best Left Unbitten
(One of my coworkers brings in an icing-covered snack cake called a Ding Dong. Usually, they are covered with chocolate icing, but this one is vanilla, so the icing is white. My coworkers are all women, and I’m a guy.)
Coworker #1: “Look what I’ve got.”
Coworker #2:”Oh, a Ding Dong! I’ve never seen a white one.”
Coworker #3: “Yeah, I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong.”
Coworker #4: “I’ve never seen a white Ding Dong, either.”
Me: “…”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Lay Off The Scooby Snacks!
I had a lady pick up [painkiller] for a dog. It was a pretty early refill and I was bored, so I went to our manager, and it turns out the dog had been filling this prescription all over town.
I just thought I’d try and broaden the search, so I just did the owner’s name and date of birth and found multiple other dog names all filling [painkiller]. I called the office and it turns out the vet this dog owner was using had just stepped down to be with her family and was not practicing. The owner used to work there but had been fired for calling in fake scripts. The office said they would take care of the issue.
The part that still makes me laugh about this whole sad situation was that the first dog’s name was Scrappy, and one of my techs chimed in, “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Some Days, Snacks Are Everything
My husband and I are at a dollar store to get milk and a few snacks to last us the rest of the month. As we get in line, we count up the items we have, which is one more than we budgeted for, and are discussing how to pay for them.
There is a woman ahead of us just paying as we finish up.
Woman: “I want to pay for theirs.”
Husband: “What? Really?”
Me: “It’s just snacks; you don’t have to.”
Woman: “No, I want to pay for yours. Ring them up.”
The cashier rings up our items and the woman pays for them while we say thank you. Then, the woman leaves. The cashier starts bagging up our items.
Cashier: “That was unexpected; I thought you knew her.”
Husband: “No, we’ve never met her before in our lives.”
Cashier: “Wow!”
Me: “And these aren’t even essentials or anything!”
Whoever you are, thank you!
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Try Scooby Snacks
I’m helping a customer choose the right collar for their large dog. Another customer approaches us and talks to my customer.
Customer #2: “How did you get your dog to be so big?”
Customer #1: “He’s a Great Dane.”
Customer #2: Waves to the dog “Hi, Dane! You’re great!” Turns back to the customer “So, how did you get him to be so big? Is there like a special food or something?”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
When You Lie With Dogs, You Get Up With Snacks!
Our two-year-old toddler went through a phase where he would get jealous of the dog. He couldn’t speak much yet, but he understood most words.
One afternoon, I was sitting with our son while he ate a snack at a toddler table in the living room. My husband returned from walking the dog.
Husband: “Do you want a treat, [Dog]?”
He gave a dental hygiene chew stick to the dog, who happily gnawed on it on the floor. Our son began to cry. I realized the problem.
Me: “Oh, [Dog] is eating a snack, just like you. Except he eats his snack on the floor.”
It kind of worked. Our son stopped crying. He then bent down to carefully put a cracker on the carpet and picked it up with his mouth. Oh, well… I did say, “…just like you.” This one’s on me.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
My Love Language Is Snacks
One day, I’m at the register, and sitting behind me out of the way is some food. Some of it is from our store, some from restaurants. One of my coworkers comes up and stares at the food.
Coworker: “What’s with all the food?”
Me: “People keep buying it and giving it to me.”
Coworker: “…Why?”
Me: “You get phone numbers. I apparently have a face that says, ‘Feed me; I’m hungry.’”
Coworker: “…I’d rather get the food instead of phone numbers.”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Good Thing He Didn’t Panic And Make The Situation Way Worse!
I am thirty-nine weeks pregnant with my third baby, my father had a stroke yesterday and is in the ICU, and I have just had a meeting with my obstetrician about some complications. In short, it’s a stressful and busy period of life.
I am sitting in my car in the car park having a cry when a small truck drives past me and scrapes my car. I wave the truck down, and a young man of sixteen gets out swearing and talking about what a terrible day he’s having. We take photos of each other’s licenses and vehicle damage, but as he drives away, I realise I stupidly forgot to get his plate number — needed for insurance — and phone number.
I message the details to my husband, at work, who immediately writes a letter to the address on the man’s license and sends it via express post, requesting the necessary information.
A few days later, my husband receives an email from the man claiming all sorts of things: the accident didn’t happen, the accident happened at night, there was no damage to either vehicle, and I had said it was fine and not to worry about it — all incorrect. He refuses to provide the requested details.
We talk to our insurance provider, who says they can’t help without the plate number, so they recommend visiting the address on the license or speaking to the police. My husband is unable to get to the address, and I’m certainly not going there by myself, so I visit the local police station. I give the officer all the relevant details, and she disappears into her office and comes back in ten minutes with a smile on her face.
Officer: “Well, we don’t have any contact details for the man himself, but I was able to find a phone number for his mum. She’s going to sort him out!”
Sure enough, within hours, we had contact from him and all the details we needed. I have a chuckle thinking about this boy getting in trouble with his mummy for being naughty!
Father, baby, and I are all fine, in the end.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
A Tribute To Tech Support
I keep getting tickets from one user who receives an error as they attempt to do things before the program loads. This was a known issue if anyone had slower internet. Thankfully, we only need to open the program once a day; it does not time out.
After the fifth or sixth ticket, I could not find a way for them to understand “wait for the program to load fully before attempting to use it.” While banging my head, I play with my phone and find the user on Facebook. I see they have multiple dogs and cats and proudly display them (as one should).
I respond to the newest ticket.
Me: “After opening the program, it’s recommended for users to pet each cat and dog in the home. Once all the good boys and good girls have received their tribute, continue back to the program. Please reach out if each needs two or three tributes so I can update our procedures.”
I received a response the next day:
User: “Why didn’t someone tell me this the first time? It worked after I petted my three cats once and my two dogs twice. I should not have to open so many tickets before the actual procedure is given to me!”
Then they sent a complaint to my boss, who told them they would update the procedure promptly, which my boss did but added that if you do not have any pets, making a cup of tea/coffee would also work.
CorkLock about 2 months ago
Narcissist about food?
FreyjaRN Premium Member about 2 months ago
Hubby actually gives me snacks. He is an excellent caregiver.
The Reader Premium Member about 2 months ago
Have a condiment on me!
davidob about 2 months ago
I’ll ketchup with you later.
jango about 2 months ago
Yo Walt. Dig out that insurance policy and make sure it’s current!
ladykat about 2 months ago
Later, Aunty!
rockyridge1977 about 2 months ago
Looks like a full meal!!!!!!
dflak about 2 months ago
Every now and then, my wife and I will ask where to have dinner. Sometimes the response is “Chez Ozzie’s.” Ozzie’s is the local ice cream parlor. Who needs a main course when you can go straight to dessert?
djtenltd about 2 months ago
How about someone showing you they care by slipping a gym membership in your Christmas stocking, Auntie A??
Daltongang Premium Member about 2 months ago
Aunty, you only have time for your snacks, except when you are pigging out at the table at actual meals.
cuzinron47 about 2 months ago
Don’t mine me, I’m just passing through.
dbrucepm about 2 months ago
some days don’t even want the snacks, just leave me alone for a few minutes. silence is truly golden
Smeagol about 2 months ago
There are always snacks in my house, zucchini bread with coffee is on top of the list.
mistercatworks about 2 months ago
When did “me time” become “fat time”?
Aimless Melissa about 2 months ago
That’s the only way we can pig out without being judged and criticized.