Drabble by Kevin Fagan for December 29, 2024

Oo-kaay……………

My mom was in her car once and was hit by a bicycle. She was stopped at a red light at the time.

But I can beat that. I was once in my car, stopped waiting to make a left turn when I was hit by a pedestrian. And when I say “hit”, I mean she punched the car with her fist.

Normally, I just quip at June when he does something goofball with something like, “Hey, you married him!” But in this case….

About 7 to 10 years ago a lady in my neighborhood would walk backwards. It was the stupidest thing I ever saw.

How does this family survive with so few brain cells among them?

Heeeeeere’s your sign.

And we thought RALPH was the idiot.

Mick Jagger always walked backwards to get in shape when he was preparing to go on tour…

If you’re going to walk backwards, use a mirror so you can see where you’re going!

This whole family has a screw, or two, loose.

Now we see where Norman really gets it

Yes, and best done on a treadmill.

You probably should hire an injury attorney.

Boxers run backwards, forwards and sideways. None I know had ever had an accident with a parked car.

take the high road Ralph, don’t argue with logic

Does the word “Sidewalk” mean anything?

The cheese done slid off her cracker!

Putting a lot of miles on the road, I’ve been in a few fender benders. The most bizarre was this:

My company vehicle doubled as an office. I had a small desk, power for my computer and portable printer. (We’d removed the center row of seats.) I was parked inside a parking space, working on an estimate. Just as I stood up to reach across the front seat for more printer paper, someone backed out of the parking space opposite of me, and hit the back of the van. I went flying backward and bounced my head off the metal upright to the desk.

A few things happened —at first, the woman who had backed into my van refused to produce her insurance info—she claimed she didn’t hit the van (matching dents proved she did,) that it wasn’t hard enough to cause an injury (not true) and that I should have been wearing my seat belt, therefore it was my fault. (Not how insurance law works.) I couldn’t call the police since it was on private property, so I was outside taking photos of her car and mine when her husband came out of the upholstery shop next door. He said to his wife—if you backed into her car, give her our insurance info. That settled that part of it.

After they left, and after I finished the estimate I was writing, I called my office (they owned the van) and made a report. I told them how I had been flung backwards. By then I had a headache. I was sure it was superficial and was just going to be a big bruise. I asked could I go home for the remainder of the day. (it was after 3pm—so less than an hour & a half early.) But no. They insisted that I go to an emergency room. Eight hours later, after a wait in emergency, a couple of xrays, an MRI and no problem found, I went home.

The next day I had a bruise on my shoulder. I also had to explain to the lady’s insurance company how I got injured inside a parked car. When it came to the bills for the emergency room, I asked—’what would you have done if it was your company’s employee?’They paid for everything.

She can never admit when she is at fault.

The only time I walk backwards is to put the wind at my back instead of in my face.