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You know it’ll be a pretty good day when you go to your underwear drawer, pull out the last pair, and discover that it still has some life left in the elastic.
Lounging About In Your Underwear Is The Cat’s Pajamas!
We used to live in an apartment with a balcony facing the street. There was a unit next to us, so their balcony was a few feet down from us along the side of the building, facing the same direction. It was a busy street and that was our only “outside area,” so my boyfriend and I liked to spend time out there, and we noticed that our neighbor had some odd habits.
He would put up tall pieces of plywood on the side of his balcony when he was out there, facing toward our balcony only, not toward the street. Despite this, it was easy to see that he would sit outdoors, shirtless and only wearing tighty-whity style underwear, and rub his bald head while watching the foot traffic and cars below.
It seemed harmless enough — we could always see his hands, at least — so what did we care?
Our big ginger cat loved going out on the balcony and would sit for hours on the railing and watch the birds. One day, I had the sliding door open to let the cat in and out as he pleased and not play butler every five minutes. I saw that the cat was sitting on my boyfriend’s grill. It was closed, but it still was probably not the most hygienic place for a giant cat.
I poked my head through the open screen door and told him sternly, “Get your butt off of there!”
I had barely noticed that the next-door side partition was up and our neighbor must have been enjoying a head rubbing session because, the next thing I knew, there was a half-naked-and-tighty-whity blur visible in the gap between the door and the makeshift partition, diving headfirst into his apartment at my remark!
Thankfully, his apartment’s access was on the opposite side of the building and we never ran into him other than on the balcony, but we’d glimpse him in the parking lot occasionally, always in a very straight-laced banker-type suit!
(I am shopping at a very popular lingerie store because there is a half-price promotion on my favorite underwear. I do not buy bras there, as they do not stock my size. I find what I want and go to the register to make my purchase.)
Me: “Just these, please.”
Cashier: “I see you’re buying underwear today. Would you like to find a matching bra?”
Me: “No, thank you.”
Cashier: “Are you sure? We can even do a fitting!”
Me: “No, I’m all set.”
Cashier: suddenly aggressive “It will only take a few minutes! You should get a bra.”
Me: “No, really, I’m not interested. I don’t need a new bra. Besides, this store doesn’t carry my size.”
Cashier: rolls eyes dramatically “Uh huh. Sure. We can find your size.”
Me: “What’s the largest size you have in stock?”
Cashier: confidently “40DDD.”
Me: “I wear an FF. So as I said, just the underwear, please.” takes out credit card and holds it out expectantly
Cashier: after staring at my chest in silence for a few seconds “Um, really? Where do you shop? Because let’s go measure you, I’m sure we fit your into OUR sizes. OUR sizes are different.”
Me: nearly slams head on desk “No! No, thank you. I was measured here last year, and was given a DDD. Your largest size. Five sizes too small. So I’m going to pass on buying something I know doesn’t fit.”
Cashier: huffily “Fine!”
(She snatches my card, processes the payment, and throws it back at me. Just as I’m leaving I hear her yell across the store to a new customer.)
Ubintold about 9 hours ago
What’s the other half?
A# 466 about 4 hours ago
You know it’ll be a pretty good day when you go to your underwear drawer, pull out the last pair, and discover that it still has some life left in the elastic.
Yakety Sax about 3 hours ago
Lounging About In Your Underwear Is The Cat’s Pajamas!
We used to live in an apartment with a balcony facing the street. There was a unit next to us, so their balcony was a few feet down from us along the side of the building, facing the same direction. It was a busy street and that was our only “outside area,” so my boyfriend and I liked to spend time out there, and we noticed that our neighbor had some odd habits.
He would put up tall pieces of plywood on the side of his balcony when he was out there, facing toward our balcony only, not toward the street. Despite this, it was easy to see that he would sit outdoors, shirtless and only wearing tighty-whity style underwear, and rub his bald head while watching the foot traffic and cars below.
It seemed harmless enough — we could always see his hands, at least — so what did we care?
Our big ginger cat loved going out on the balcony and would sit for hours on the railing and watch the birds. One day, I had the sliding door open to let the cat in and out as he pleased and not play butler every five minutes. I saw that the cat was sitting on my boyfriend’s grill. It was closed, but it still was probably not the most hygienic place for a giant cat.
I poked my head through the open screen door and told him sternly, “Get your butt off of there!”
I had barely noticed that the next-door side partition was up and our neighbor must have been enjoying a head rubbing session because, the next thing I knew, there was a half-naked-and-tighty-whity blur visible in the gap between the door and the makeshift partition, diving headfirst into his apartment at my remark!
Thankfully, his apartment’s access was on the opposite side of the building and we never ran into him other than on the balcony, but we’d glimpse him in the parking lot occasionally, always in a very straight-laced banker-type suit!
Yakety Sax about 2 hours ago
Using The FF Word
(I am shopping at a very popular lingerie store because there is a half-price promotion on my favorite underwear. I do not buy bras there, as they do not stock my size. I find what I want and go to the register to make my purchase.)
Me: “Just these, please.”
Cashier: “I see you’re buying underwear today. Would you like to find a matching bra?”
Me: “No, thank you.”
Cashier: “Are you sure? We can even do a fitting!”
Me: “No, I’m all set.”
Cashier: suddenly aggressive “It will only take a few minutes! You should get a bra.”
Me: “No, really, I’m not interested. I don’t need a new bra. Besides, this store doesn’t carry my size.”
Cashier: rolls eyes dramatically “Uh huh. Sure. We can find your size.”
Me: “What’s the largest size you have in stock?”
Cashier: confidently “40DDD.”
Me: “I wear an FF. So as I said, just the underwear, please.” takes out credit card and holds it out expectantly
Cashier: after staring at my chest in silence for a few seconds “Um, really? Where do you shop? Because let’s go measure you, I’m sure we fit your into OUR sizes. OUR sizes are different.”
Me: nearly slams head on desk “No! No, thank you. I was measured here last year, and was given a DDD. Your largest size. Five sizes too small. So I’m going to pass on buying something I know doesn’t fit.”
Cashier: huffily “Fine!”
(She snatches my card, processes the payment, and throws it back at me. Just as I’m leaving I hear her yell across the store to a new customer.)
Cashier: “You! You need a bra fitting!”
Doug K about 2 hours ago
Half underwear could also mean the other half is outer wear.
[Or half of his underwear is showing on the outside.]
Saddenedby Premium Member about 1 hour ago
isn’t that called a speedo or jock strap? jafaf
ladykat Premium Member about 1 hour ago
Ick. TMI.
oish 1 minute ago
So it’s a thong?