Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for March 19, 2025

Maybe The Narrator Is Just Shouting The Whole Thing?

I’m working in a library when one of our patrons approaches me.

Patron: “Can you please direct me to the large print audiobooks?”

That’s almost too true to be funny.

Service Worth Shouting About

Me: “Good morning, can I get [specialty drink]?”

Employee: a little panicked “I’m sorry miss, we are out of [important ingredient]…”

Me: “Oh… okay, let me look at the menu for a moment.”

(I step out of line while I look at the menu. A few minutes later I decide and join the end of the line.)

Employee: when I reach the front “Hi again, decided what you want?”

Me: “I’d love a hot chocolate.” jokingly “I assume you aren’t out of chocolate?”

Manager: “It’s on the house for not yelling at us. It’s a nice change.”

Nobody does it better.*

*Apologies to Carly Simon.

Many who know Aunty Acid “agree” with her — but they could just as easily (perhaps more accurately) say that she’s getting worse with age: worse at shouting, worse at listening, and worse at not giving a crap.

Oh, she will be ‘The Belle of the Ball’ in Assisted Living.