Cul de Sac by Richard Thompson for March 23, 2025

Sounds like a legal code. My only quirk on ordering a burger is: no cheese.

Points for “Addenda as of 3:00”.

You just know they’re not going to get something right. So why bother?

I was a strange kid. I would literally eat anything

Bobby: [looking at his menu] I’d like a plain omelette. No potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee, and wheat toast.

[The waitress indicates something on the menu with the butt of her pencil.]

Waitress: No substitutions.

Bobby: What do you mean, you don’t have any tomatoes?

Waitress: [annoyed] Only what’s on the menu… [again, indicating with her pencil] You can have a number two, a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.

Bobby: Yeah I know what it comes with, but it’s not what I want.

Waitress: Well I’ll come back when you make up your mind…

[She starts to move away and Bobby detains her.]

Bobby: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I’d like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.

Waitress: I’m sorry, we don’t have any side orders of toast. I can give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.

Bobby: What do you mean, you don’t make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don’t you?

Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?

Palm: Hey, mack!

Bobby: [to Palm] Shut up. [to the waitress] You’ve got bread, and a toaster of some kind?

Waitress: I don’t make the rules.

Bobby: Okay, I’ll make it as easy for you as I can. I’d like an omelette, plain, and a chicken-salad sandwich on wheat toast—no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce—and a cup of coffee.

[She begins writing down his order, repeating it sarcastically.]

Waitress: A number two, chicken sal san—hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise—and a cup of coffee…anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, gimme the check for the chicken-salad sandwich, and you haven’t broken any rules.

Waitress: [challenging him] You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

- Jack Nicholson and Lorna Thayer in “Five Easy Pieces”

It looks like a lot more than five ingredients on that menu.

When I go through a Culver’s drive thru, I make sure I already know what I want because I could spend 5 minutes looking at their menu board. That’s one of the reasons I avoid Dutch Bros, their selection is overwhelming.

It’s easier to eat at home…oy

yes, that’s how!

Ok, but have you got a 27B-6?

I never order ANYTHING “swimming in ketchup”. And I love ketchup.

It’s nice that they offer a Medium Large size, for when a Medium isn’t enough and a Large is too much. But which is smaller, the Punyburger or the Li’l Kiddieburger?

There goes his Picky Eaters rating.

Everything and onions grilled in.

“plain and dry” burgers for kid who has grown up to be a pretty varied eater, but still doesn’t eat catchup or tomato