Monty by Jim Meddick for November 12, 2023

Next time try rubber fish.

Step 1: put cat in empty tub.

Step 2: tie it down

Step 3: slowly add water.

I remember trying to put one of the kittens we rescued into the cat carrier to take to the vet to get neutered. I was scratched and bleeding. When I dropped him off, I warned the receptionist that they should be careful, that he’s a hellcat. When I come back that afternoon to pick him up, they tell me what a sweetie pie he was for them. What?!?

Correct procedure for cleaning a cat. Clean toilet thoroughly. Fill tank with warm water and shampoo. Approach cat with winter coat, work gloves and ski mask. Place cat in toilet and flush repeatedly while standing on the lid. Provide clear path out the front door. Open lid.

I’ve never seen double shower curtains before. Maybe they’re just old drapes.

Meeces fell to pieces all over the floor.

what makes you sure that it did work… okay, ya got him. :L

I use the washing machine. Toss in the cat, here’s the important part, slam the lid as quickly as possible. Use the gentle cycle. I have a top loader, so I can’t comment on a front loader.

How to Bathe a Cat

Step 1:

Find cat. This may seem a rather obvious initial step, but cats can be particularly resourceful at devising stealth tactics should they suspect a dunking is imminent. So check the stairs, behind the sofa, in the clothes dryer, up the chimney, in your neighbor’s sock drawer, Mars.

Step 2:

Place cat in sink/bath. At this point, suddenly realizing you’ve forgotten the cat shampoo bottle, fetch it and return.

Step 3:

Find cat and place in sink/bath, again.

Step 4:

Softly repeat comforting phrases like “good kitty,” but be aware that the sole purpose of such verbal reassurances is to build your self-confidence and resolve. They will have absolutely no pacifying effect on the animal.

Step 5:

Place cotton balls in cat’s ears. This is not to prevent water getting in, but to avoid further frightening the cat from your screams.

Step 6:

Turn on faucet, pouring water and shampoo over cat. Attempt to lather.

Step 7:

Remove cat from head and return hissing, scratching, wailing animal to sink/bath. Reach for towel to wipe soap and blood (yours) from face.

Step 8:

Find cat, again.

Step 9:

Slip on wet, soapy floor while attempting to replace enraged cat back in bath/sink.

Step 10:

After regaining consciousness, find cat again.

Step 11:

Return drenched, soapy, howling, cat to sink/bath. Lather, rinse, towel dry, and release.

Step 12:

Crawl to phone and call 911 to request assistance. While waiting for ambulance, disinfect any area where excrement may have been deposited; also check if the cat left any.

Step 13:

Relax for well-deserved rest – while being carried out on stretcher…

Put in toilet – sit on lid – press flush 3 or 4 times. ( far side).

That’s what Monty’s doing wrong! I wouldn’t want to be cleaned by a toilet brush either!!!!!! :)

Good Kitty, Fleshy!!!!!!!! :)

Dish soap in toilet, drop in cat/cats, flush three times. Open outside door, then open toilet lid. Stand back. Job done.

It would have been a softer landing if he had fallen on the rubber mice.

No cat is going to hang around to find out what is turning animals into rubber!

What’s with all the sickos who hate cats ?

I pity the fool!

Wait. i do not pity the fool.

Fleshy escapes, Monty the Fool does not. Poetic justice, methinks….