Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 10, 2018

Time is one thing the host isn’t worried about.

Nobody would have minded if you left early, Rat.

Touching, Rat, Really. I hope you parked in the designated emotionally handicap parking spot.

Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute… what is Rat doing driving?

Say it, don’t spray it…

Wait—it was the parking meter who bought the lot?

I just got up from bed for the funeral early this day, as mourning has broken…

Maybe Rat will meet the lovely Rita Meter Maid.

Rat: I’d like to say a wordWidow: CertainlyRat: PlethoraWidow: That means a lot to us…

You’re all so insensitive. Didn’t you read that as the meter had died too? And you left him no quarter. You should be praying for change.

The church does not have a parking lot?

At least you showed them who you are rat. Do you think Rat is driving a Pinto?

Flash, that’s an incendiary topic…

You all don’t really believe that Rat ever put money in the meter in the first place, do you?

Would have ben a nice touch had Rat had a collection basket in his hand (to pass to pay for the ticket).

Hey… when your time’s up, your time’s up.

I can empathize with Rat. I have been to funerals that were over three hours long. I did not find them helpful for mourning the deceased, for comforting the bereaved, or for connecting to the supernatural. Instead, they were frustrating and exhausting. Why did they run so long? Not becuase of a full mass or some other elaborate religious ritual. Because we were subjected to a photo show that was six songs long. Because we got two sermons. Because everyone and their grandmother had to come up and talk about the deceased for five minutes.

I love Rat. My favorite character, especially as president!

Rat is honest but blunt. Someday, that might get him into more trouble than just a parking ticket….

Funeral was too long because of so many ‘speakers for the dead’ [in sequels to Ender’s Game].

Rat puts the “me” in “memorial” and takes the “fun” out of “funeral”.