Pooch Cafe by Paul Gilligan for January 31, 2010

Don’t forget 24 hour poop machine.

I think you’ve done enough thinking, Poncho.

… a weapon.

how many times have I seen that in a movie? Imagine: a cat flying at you with claws at the ready to land on your face?

hillarious!

Poncho, it’s more than I could think of. Or want to.

How about a lap warmer? A purr machine that puts you to sleep at night? A warm furry companion? No Poncho wouldn’t think of any of these.

I’ve got three cats, and they do not put me to sleep at night. Rather the opposite, they keep me awake. They pace all night, Stewie (the big himalayan) beats Murphy (the old crank) up, and Olivia (the young crazy one) always wants to lick my nose. Round here, cats are anti-sleep.

A plunger – but you have to provide the handle.

I think Just4Kixx has the right of it. My two cats don’t believe in sleep for anyone but themselves! But they do make pretty good lap warmers.

A shield when attacked.

Poncho came up with five more than I could…

With apologies to cat lovers: How to Wash the Cat…

Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash and rinse”. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Signed, the Dog

Fast food for coyotes.

Daviddeer, they aren’t always that fast.

As Christopher Moore put it in “Coyote Blue” (excellent book): “If I was not meant to have ugly women and cats they would not be so easy to catch.”

celecca: You are truly a genius. I laughed hard and long. I have had cats that could not get enough of me and cats that I did nothing to that ran from me. A black cat that was neurotic that we called Nyeve that we found as a kitten on New Years Eve and a rather large cat that we called Bobby Moe after my wifes cousin who was a very large and intelligent man. Perhaps you might want to start a cartoon strip?

A paperweight and a doorstop sound like they came from “Garfield.” The others being…

…a television antenna, a car hood ornament, a lap warmer, and a hat.

If you own the twenty-ninth comic book, these things will be mentioned.

@napaeric

I did not write this, although I wish I could claim it. It’s one of those e-mails that people keep sending around and around. I don’t know who the author is. But I can’t help picturing each step! The poor bedraggled kitty, the snickering dog hiding behind the door, the bewildered human who followed the directions.

BTW -I like cats.

I’ve read that before and it’s hilarious. There’s another one about a cat helping you bake cookies and one about a cat helping you wrap a gift. Oh and let’s not forget the one about giving a cat a pill. All hysterically funny.

Normally we would come up with five more, but PETA would cry out against us.

What kind of doorstop would a cat make on the wrong side of the door as shown in the picture?