“Um, well, I suppose we can send that for you,” the telegrapher responds. “You should know, however, that we have a minimum charge of ten words, and that’s only nine. Did you want to add another word?”
The present day adventures of Vladimir Putin is my motivation for the next joke.
In the days of the old USSR an American and a Russian are arguing over who has the most freedom.
The American starts by saying, “If I wanted to, I could undo my zipper and take a leak in the middle of the day right on the front of the Statue of Liberty.” The Russian replies, “That’s nothing. In mother Russia I could go to Moscow, drop my pants and take a dump right in the middle of Red Square.”
Many vodkas later the American finally admits, “If I wanted to piss on the Statue of Liberty I would have to do it at three in the morning around the back when nobody else was around.”
The Russian says, “I have to make a confession as well. If I wanted to take a dump in Red Square I would have to do it with my pants up.”
One of the transmitter sites I maintained in northeast Tennessee got almost nightly visits from an emu. It would leave its pen at a local petting zoo to swipe cattle feed from the pasture surrounding the transmitter and antennas, then return before morning. It took the zoo a couple of years to figure out how he was escaping.
Since our friend the Ostrich runs over 40 mph you know they’re not holding up traffic in China, but the traffic is probably holding them up.
A court stenographer noticed that every trial in Australia that had to do with an Ostrich, that the bail was set very low. During one session of court, the crime was murder. The ostrich came to the podium, and the judge said, “Bail is set at Five AUD.” (Five Dollars Australian)
The stenographer was shocked, after the ostrich paid and left, he asked the judge why he was always so lenient with Ostriches. The Judge said, “well, they aren’t a flight risk, are they?”
He’d always wanted to go Out West and be a cowboy.
So he saved his money for years and finally got to the Wild West.
He’s in a saloon when an outlaw comes in.He’s mean,he’s nasty,he’s filthy.He fires his two six-guns in the air and yells—“I feel like drinking alone!All you yellow-livered skunks clear out of here!”
There’s a big rush for the door.When the smoke clears there’s one person left in the saloon.The silly-ass Englishman.
The outlaw storms over to him and says—“I said—”All you yellow livered skunks clear out of here!"
“I know you did ,old boy,I heard you”.“And my word,there were a great many of them,weren’t there?”
Wanda and Sylvia, who are old friends, meet up in heaven and Sylvia says “how did you die?” Wanda says “I froze to death!” To which Sylvia says “How horrible!” Wanda says “it really wasn’t that bad. After I stopped shivering, I slowly went to sleep and died a peaceful death.” “How did you die?” Sylvia says “I got word that my husband had another woman at our house and was sleeping with her . So I rushed home but when I got inside he was sitting in his recliner watching ESPN. I knew she was there somewhere and started running all over the house looking for the slut, I looked in the basement, in all of the closets and even in the attic but I never found her! I was so stressed out that I had a massive heart attack and died!” Wanda says “It’s too bad you didn’t look in the freezer or both of us could still be alive!” Jofers out!
eromlig over 2 years ago
The Art Of The No-Intro Intro:
A man walks into the telegraph office (suspend your disbelief, Gen Xers and younger) and says, “I want to send a telegram.”
“Yes, Sir,” the telegraph operator says. “What would you like to say?”
“Galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph,” he replies.
“Um, well, I suppose we can send that for you,” the telegrapher responds. “You should know, however, that we have a minimum charge of ten words, and that’s only nine. Did you want to add another word?”
“What would you suggest?”
“How about another galumph?”
“Of course not – that would be silly.”
monkeysky over 2 years ago
The bubble thing may sound like a silly focus for a lab, but they actually have a number of serious applications:
https://www.iflscience.com/physics/physicists-keep-a-bubble-from-popping-for-recordbreaking-465-days/
https://physics.aps.org/articles/v10/62
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
what did the Chinese even do with those ostriches before the fowls escaped? harvesting them for eggs and meat?
Bilan over 2 years ago
How many French physicist does it take to blow a bubble???
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
The present day adventures of Vladimir Putin is my motivation for the next joke.
In the days of the old USSR an American and a Russian are arguing over who has the most freedom.
The American starts by saying, “If I wanted to, I could undo my zipper and take a leak in the middle of the day right on the front of the Statue of Liberty.” The Russian replies, “That’s nothing. In mother Russia I could go to Moscow, drop my pants and take a dump right in the middle of Red Square.”
Many vodkas later the American finally admits, “If I wanted to piss on the Statue of Liberty I would have to do it at three in the morning around the back when nobody else was around.”
The Russian says, “I have to make a confession as well. If I wanted to take a dump in Red Square I would have to do it with my pants up.”
Until next time.
Zykoic over 2 years ago
The surface tension on that bubble must have be extreme. I’d guess rhino snot.
Caldonia over 2 years ago
Koalas are very likely to have chlamydia. Believe it or not.
John Wiley Premium Member over 2 years ago
One of the transmitter sites I maintained in northeast Tennessee got almost nightly visits from an emu. It would leave its pen at a local petting zoo to swipe cattle feed from the pasture surrounding the transmitter and antennas, then return before morning. It took the zoo a couple of years to figure out how he was escaping.
Gameguy49 Premium Member over 2 years ago
………….and thanks to China we have to share the world with covid, much worse than some loose ostriches!
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
Since our friend the Ostrich runs over 40 mph you know they’re not holding up traffic in China, but the traffic is probably holding them up.
A court stenographer noticed that every trial in Australia that had to do with an Ostrich, that the bail was set very low. During one session of court, the crime was murder. The ostrich came to the podium, and the judge said, “Bail is set at Five AUD.” (Five Dollars Australian)
The stenographer was shocked, after the ostrich paid and left, he asked the judge why he was always so lenient with Ostriches. The Judge said, “well, they aren’t a flight risk, are they?”
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
Funny how unlocking gates and doors sets living things free.
Take care, and may renowned Australian eucalyptus seed pod harvester Angus “Globulus” McReadord be with you, and gesundheit.
mindjob over 2 years ago
That bubble was a stunt double for the bubble used in The Prisoner TV series, but it was never used.
198.23.5.11 over 2 years ago
One upon a time there was a silly-ass Englishman.
He’d always wanted to go Out West and be a cowboy.
So he saved his money for years and finally got to the Wild West.
He’s in a saloon when an outlaw comes in.He’s mean,he’s nasty,he’s filthy.He fires his two six-guns in the air and yells—“I feel like drinking alone!All you yellow-livered skunks clear out of here!”
There’s a big rush for the door.When the smoke clears there’s one person left in the saloon.The silly-ass Englishman.
The outlaw storms over to him and says—“I said—”All you yellow livered skunks clear out of here!"
“I know you did ,old boy,I heard you”.“And my word,there were a great many of them,weren’t there?”
poppacapsmokeblower over 2 years ago
There are Americans living in a caustic bubble since November 3rd, 2020, who might not come out of it until 2024 or later.
joefearsnothing over 2 years ago
Wanda and Sylvia, who are old friends, meet up in heaven and Sylvia says “how did you die?” Wanda says “I froze to death!” To which Sylvia says “How horrible!” Wanda says “it really wasn’t that bad. After I stopped shivering, I slowly went to sleep and died a peaceful death.” “How did you die?” Sylvia says “I got word that my husband had another woman at our house and was sleeping with her . So I rushed home but when I got inside he was sitting in his recliner watching ESPN. I knew she was there somewhere and started running all over the house looking for the slut, I looked in the basement, in all of the closets and even in the attic but I never found her! I was so stressed out that I had a massive heart attack and died!” Wanda says “It’s too bad you didn’t look in the freezer or both of us could still be alive!” Jofers out!
alkabelis Premium Member over 2 years ago
The Housing bubbles is lasting longer than that.
FassEddie over 2 years ago
Just how are these koalas still around? Eating just leaves! Licking trees! They’re like discount sloths!
Greg Y over 2 years ago
I once licked a tree when it wasn’t raining.
May the koala be with you.