Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 22, 2024

On this day in History

Nov. 22, 1963

US President John F. Kennedy is assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald while riding in an open-topped motorcade in Dallas, Texas..

An elderly, married couple walks into a hospital.

The doctor says to the old man, “I’ll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.”

The old man says, “What?” So the doctor says it again. Once again the deaf old codger says, “What?”

So the doctor yells it: “I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!”

With that the old man’s wife turns to her doddery husband and says, “He needs a pair of your underwear!”

I wouldn’t think that the New Zealand lady would have much of a case suing her ex unless he had promised to take her to the airport. She’d need to have made a contract with him first.

I guess they don’t have Uber and Lyft in New Zealand.

I was eight and remember it. ☹️

Which girl has the worst boyfriend, the one that got stiffed for a ride to the airport or the one that got giraffe feces for a necklace?

I’m sure that giraffe feces is a delightful artistic medium.

They ‘intercepted’ the feces, like it hit the fan and intercepted the whole room?

He should have taken her to the airport, but NEVER bring her back.

Feces. Great word for that stuff. Some words seem to fit the object they represent. Like frog. Frog is perfect.

We don’t need no stinkin’ necklace!!!

Yes! That’s right! The last president who was independent and truly cared for the American people was killed today. RIP

Keep Cash and Carry On

He probably got tired of the weird tribal dances she did in the car

In regards to the giraffe doo doo, I’m reminded of Frank Barones’ immortal words “Holy crap!”

“Giraffe Feces Man” is currently a su per-villain in Gotham City

It’s not clear from the blurb, but did she ask her ex-boyfriend for a ride? Or did she ask her boyfriend for a ride and then broke up with him when he failed to take her to the airport, and the ensuing breakup was SO HORRIBLE that she ended up suing him, all because of the airport fiasco?

On Nov. 22, 1963 I was getting overdressed before flying to the U.S. to make jewelry out of some free zoo material when I got a call from my ex asking if she could ride to the airport with me.

A man ran off his live-in girlfriend for not taking him to the airport sleeping-in.

Wearing all that clothing might also come in handy in the event of a water landing.

About the New Zealand woman – Powers Boothe as Bill Brocius in Tombstone “Well, Bye!!!”

We only lost a packet of antelope jerky to the USDA inspector when we came home from Africa.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died on Veggie Day of a severe yeast infection.

He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew he was kneaded”.

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.

He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife.

They had two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

He may have saved money on baggage fees but now he’ll have to pay for 2 seats.