Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for July 20, 2012
July 13, 2012
July 26, 2012
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling Percival Dunwoody, Idiot Time Traveler From 1909 1909 Percival: You, boy! Deposit this $100 in a bank account! Hurry! 2012 Good day. I believe I have an account here? Man: Yes. Man: Um, sir...it's a non-interest bearing account, so it's STILL $100! Percival: Ah, but as a customer, it is my right to use your lavatory! Darthfield John: Darthfield, which tie should I wear on my date? Darthvader: Does either have a superlaser powerful enough to destroy a planet? John: No... Darthfield: This grows tiresome. John: URK Guy Walks Into A Bar GYM Guy: This isn't a BAR! How can THIS be funny?! BONK! Man: Ha-ha! You walked into a bar! Superhero Fantasies For The Middle-Aged Man: So...angry...ARR RIPP RRRIPPP Man: ARRRR!! THERE! Dear Sports Editor: I believe it obvious that your baseball stan could easily include Physics For The Ladies Woman #1: ...and a side of fries and an ice cream sundae. Woman #2: Do you know how much WEIGHT you will gain? Woman: And hold the Higgs Bosons. Woman #2: Brilliant! ADVERTISEMENT Hey, Kids!! Sell! And win fabulous prizes! Imaginary Car Robot Can Opener Certain Things JOIN the Junior Sales League of America for FREE! THEN: For only $19.95 up front, WE SEND YOU THE SALES KIT! It makes selling EASY, and you can win prizes you've only dreamed of! WHAT DO YOU SELL? Sales kits for the Junior Sales League of America!! EVERY KID wants one because EVERY KID wants swell prizes! We'll send you 10 copies of this very advertisement. THE PRIZES WILL ROLL IN! Win a Real Submarine! Sleeps Five! Selling is EASY and FUN because kids are SUCKERS! They'll do ANYTHING for a chance to win even the most obviously fake JUNK prizes! Sell two kits, and win this neat-o JET PACK! Use it to fly to school! Kids are such MORONIC STOOGES, you'll win tons of cool prizes! Like this Mystery Box!! Send to JSLA, P.O. Box 19, NY, NY
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Linguist over 12 years ago
Love the Ad. It is reminiscent of the ones that ran in comics when I was a kid – back in the Civil War days.
Mostly Water Premium Member over 12 years ago
And we could get all kinds of stuff by selling Grit Newspaper.
milano99 over 12 years ago
I remember that one ad page in almost every comic book. Never did get my x-ray glasses (my mother wouldn’t give me a stamp for the envelope — I already had the dime).
Tommy1733 over 12 years ago
Percival: “Gotcha!”
snugharborman-catalog over 12 years ago
And don’t forget all the money you could make selling Cloverine Brand Salve…“Judy and Jim Defy Savage Gorilla!”
Gorilla: “G-r-r-r-r-r”Woman in crowd: “Help! The Gorilla is loose!”Jim: “Stand back! I’ve got a gun!”Judy: “Get back!”Man in crowd: “Look! He’s climbing back into his cage!”Woman in crowd: “That boy and girl saved our lives!”Zoo Keeper: “You kids deserve a medal! Where did you get that ‘22’ rifle and the bow and arrow?”Judy : “We earned them selling White Cloverine Brand Salve!”Boy in crowd: “Wow! I’m gonna sell some of that salve too!”Sandy Shore over 12 years ago
I’ve just sent off for the Mystery Box. Yay!
Sandy Shore over 12 years ago
By the way, Mr Bolling, these comic pastiches are really too good. I suspect you are an evil genius. :)
And I love idiot time traveler. <3
Gokie5 over 12 years ago
Hey! The comix are funny! They’re supposed to be ironic, not funny!
Gokie5 over 12 years ago
When I was in junior high, we had to sell at least one magazine to make an “A” in gym. I was a lousy salesperson, so my parents finally bought the cheapest one – Pathfinder. After the subscription ran out, the magazine sent us copies for months, in a pathetic attempt to win us back.