Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for October 23, 2024

Cute Little House Of The Dragon

There is a little boy who is very excited by our chameleons on display.

Boy: “Mom! Mooom! Come and see the baby dragons! Moooooom!”

Mother: Not looking over or moving. “They aren’t baby dragons. Dragons don’t exist.”

Boy: In the most animated exasperated sigh. “You have no imagination at all!”

That’s A Bit More Than A Vanilla Sundae

I worked at an ice cream shop known for many flavors. People always came in with lists of what the squad back at the house wanted. One time this guy came in with a note. As he approached the counter, I extended my hand, and he gave me the note. I read it and handed it back to him. Then he read the note. He sat down and turned bright red.

The note said:

Note: “I want a two-scoop sundae with pralines and cream, caramel, whipped cream, your nuts, and my cherry.”

He came in a couple of years later. We were chatting:

Customer: “My wife sent me in here before with an X-rated note one time.”

Me: “I remembered that note because I was the one who made the sundae for you!”

Thankfully we both laughed.

Lock, Stock, And Giggles

I work for an emergency medical logistics company. Due to the nature of some of our trips, we are equipped and trained to drive with blue lights and sirens — for instance, emergency blood transport, organ transplants, or a doctor who needs to go to a different hospital in a hurry.

One of the (usually) lower priority jobs that we do is ad-hoc resupply of ambulance posts. As ambulance work is fairly variable, it occasionally happens that the stock of a certain medicine or material comes below a set threshold value, or is projected to get there before the next scheduled resupply. Usually when we get the call, they have more than a day’s supply of what they’re requesting left — not something to have to rush for.

But sometimes, stock gets miscounted, a lot of it gets used all at once, or its use isn’t properly registered. And while a lot of things have to go wrong to get to this point, it does happen that an ambulance is restocking something it has used on its previous call and finds there’s no stock in the post anymore. In this case, the ambulance isn’t fully stocked so it has to be taken out of service temporarily, until the item is restocked. When this happens, we can consider this an emergency transport to restock the post — after all, as long as an ambulance is out of service, it cannot respond to life-or-death situations.

So, there I found myself today in my car, lights flashing, sirens blaring, passing traffic left and right, skipping every red light between our logistics center and an ambulance post, to bring them… a few boxes of band-aids.

Banana Drama, Part 5

I’m working in the produce department. A lot of our fruits are sold by weight. I see a woman peeling about a dozen bananas and placing them in a bag. As she’s weighing the peeled bananas, she catches me staring.

Customer: “You expect me to pay for the peel?”

And with that she prints the price sticker from the machine and walks away, leaving the banana peels on the floor.

Almost Softens The Blow Of This Tow

A buddy of mine is a tow operator. He got called out to assist the driver of an eighteen-wheeler who had miscalculated a turn and was now stuck in the mud.

Tow Operator: “Are you loaded?”

Trucker: “Yeah, as full as it gets.”

Tow Operator: “Dang. What’s your weight?”

Trucker: “Five tons.”

Tow Operator: “Wait, only five tons?”

Trucker: “Yep.”

Top Operator: “Are you loaded with pillows or what?”

Trucker: “Yep, got it in one guess.”

Comedy With Feeling

We have a quadriplegic regular who gets around in a motorized chair. He is always in high spirits, and we have had many funny conversations together as we help him out. One day he came in, and he has a few scabs on his face.

Me: “What happened? Are you okay?”

Regular: “The City put a new curb in by my house, but I didn’t notice it. I flipped my chair over going over it and landed on my face!”

Me: “Oh my God! Did anyone help you?”

Regular: “Well I was lying in the intersection with my chair on top of me. Some woman told everyone not to help me back up because she said I might sue them if they did it wrong. So they called 911, and just stood around me as I was laying there in the street.”

Me: “That’s… sadly believable.”

Regular: “I know, right? So, the paramedics showed up, they put me upright and started treating me. They ask me if I’m okay and I said, “I can’t feel my arms or legs!” The paramedics start freaking out because they thought I might be paralyzed. Then I said, “Oh wait, I couldn’t feel them before.” The look on everyone’s faces made the whole accident worth it.”

I couldn’t stop laughing in the aisle. Dude is a legend in my book.

that’s why I’m quiet all the time ….

That’s what Thumper taught me when I was young.

I do the same thing.

Legend has it said by Alice Roosevelt Longworth “If you can’t say anything nice about someone come sit next to me.”

’ ’ is all I have to say!

Smart.

Do politicians know about this?

I guess being the strong silent type says it all.

I don’t believe it. There are those who will trod on the barely solid lava field of her personality. Incautious, they break through the thin crust and are burned.

Me Too!

Silence is golden. Which is why I sometimes feel like Fort Knox.

There is also the left-handed compliment such as, “He is not wishy-washy or indecisive or waffling or flip flopping on the issue. He is not afraid to take a stand or commit himself. He is not all over the map. He’s just keeping an open mind.”

Then we have the way we perceive things:

I am resolute. You are strong-willed. He is stubborn.

I have never been known to be quiet. lol If you are picking on me, you are leaving someone else alone. I am a big girl (figuratively speaking), I can handle it.

Shut your mouth and remove all doubt!!!!

Silence speaks volumes in some situations. Valuable skill is maintaining silence at times.

And it’s killing you to keep your mouth shut isn’t it Aunty?

ditto! lol!!

Amen,aunty!

No comment, oops too late.

I second Aunty. I have in-laws to whom I will not be mean, or rude, but I want as little to do with them as possible. Hence, mostly silence.

I know lots of people who don’t have that kind of self control.