Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for February 26, 2025

Spoiler: It’s a tie in the end

Phideaux is just trying to keep Gary from wearing a striped tie with a checked suit.

Phideaux thinks it’s a leash. Mildred does too.

Good morning, Ballard Dears!

Mildred thinks it’s funny that Gary is getting his just desserts. She told him not to tease the dog. Phideaux is very self conscious about his new “status” after the operation.

There was a young fellow called Gary,

Who was dressed up and ready to marry.

Harry objected,

He felt so rejected,

One has to feel sorry for Harry.

/// Phideaux loved when they played tug of war,

so he chomped on that tie Gary wore

and he pulled it so hard

they spilled into the yard.

Mildred blushed at the way Gary swore.

The dog was understandably irked

And upon Gary’s tie he then jerked

‘Cause he was embarrassed and incensed

When he saw how he was tagged and licensed

With his name misspelled by a file false clerked

.

His real name is Phydeaux with a long ‘y’

It sounds wrong when pronounced with a short ‘i’

As silly humans tend to do

And other dogs do so, too

It makes him into foaming fury fly

.

Instead of instilling awe and respect

The false name tends to make him the object

Of ridiculous name mockery and shame

And Gary is of course the one to take blame

For not thinking all documents to closely inspect

.

Phydeaux is a member of a very proud breed

That long in the past royal courts had decreed

As canines fitting for the Immortals

So he’s offended when a man or mere cur chortles

That ‘Phid-eaux’ sounds like a type of crossbreed

The tie goes to the runner.

And so does Gary.

Whether he Windsor looses matters knot. Gary and Phidaux have phun!

Gary might want to let that tie go. It’s no longer fit for the office.

Gladys always hated that tie. Obviously, so did the Phideaux!

Just go choose a different tie, Gary.

Even Phideux pitches in to help a reluctant Gary move out after ‘the Incident’.

Phideaux loves “Tug-o-War”; Gary, not so much…

And speaking of tow ropes…

You should see what Phideaux does with paisley.

Gimme my tie back you scoundrel.

So far, this tug-of-wore is a tie.

Most posters here think it’s a tie, but Phideaux is winning.

Guess he prefers houndstooth to checkered.

Let it go, Gary. It’s his now, regardless. At least he didn’t wait until you had it tied.

Time for a dead dog