Close to Home by John McPherson for December 18, 2020

I see Bleeb on the shelf scarfing up some samples.

For those who are too old to rock climb, too old to parkour, too old to water-ski, but yet you still want to “live on the edge” the “Pill of the Month” club is just what the doctor ordered!

You might even be prescribed Bleeb.

I’m not sure why this isn’t a thing already.

For the hypochondriac in everyone! You know you want to.

Thought there was one already. With all the advertising of new “treatments” on TV.

I’ve felt this way this past year.

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small.

And the ones that mother gives you

Don’t do anything, at all!

George Carlin did a great routine on America’s drug culture. We only arrest drug users who don’t buy from big pharma.

Honorable mention goes to the placebo

…and once you join you can never get out of the contract.

I think my doctors this past 9 months were on that plan with me? One asked what antibiotics have I been on, I told him so many I don’t remember.

…and this months pick is: SNÜZ-YALÜZ®

WARNING: Before using SNÜZ-YALÜZ® ask a doctor before use if you have experienced: colon drip, fingernail sweating, lip explosions, swollen hair, spleen stretching, moist dry parts, dry moist parts, or involuntary uncontrollable sphincter pucker.

WHEN USING THIS PRODUCT: avoid drinking: beer, liquor, wine, or other alcohols, as the use of alcohol, sedatives, and tranquilizers may cause drowsiness. However, Tequila has been proven to have a hilarious effect on younger patients, providing intermittent comic relief.

EXCITABILITY may occur while operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery, causing the patient to imagine he or she is participating in a NASCAR event. You most assuredly are not!

If pregnant or breast feeding… pfffffft, HOO-HOO-HE-HA-HA-HA-HEE-HEE-HOO! I always have trouble typing that without giggling! A-hem, sorry… but seriously, if pregnant or breast feeding, ask a healthcare professional before use.

IN CASE OF OVERDOSE: get medical help right away or contact a poison control center. An alternative may be to try more Tequila, which may NOT work as an antidote, but may still provide more comic relief.

Ask your doctor or healthcare professional if SNÜZ-YALÜZ® is right for you. If it’s not right for you, we recommend trying it anyway, because… well, you know… that comic relief thing we mentioned earlier.

Call me when it’s Percocet month..

Looks like Bleeb has already hopped on the med train!

You usually see that ad on TV nowadays…..

Ask your doctor if Pill of the Month Club is right for you. If they say no, tell your doctor why Pill of the Month Club is right for you. If they still refuse, change doctors. Who are you going to listen to, a highly-trained professional or a TV commercial?

I thought they were doing this in colleges in the 1960s, but without the pharmacist as the middleman (or woman).

This makes sense. Keep track of how you feel each month and at the end of the year you know which med to take.

“You’re here for our placebo of the month? Excellent! That will be $135 for this pack of Certs. And next month we will have something special — Skittles at only $5 each!”

Coming in 2021!

Reminds me of this one by the same artist: https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/medical-winner-wins-visit-customers-hospital-jmp100203_low.jpg

Enjoy new side effects. Thrill as they fight with your other medications. (If “more pills” was the answer, what was the question?)

I’ll take two Bleebs and call John Mc in the a.m.

It should be the placebo of the month…

and this is why we have such a drug problem in this country. We are constantly told that if you do not feel the way you want to, take a pill; if you can’t do what you want to, take a pill; if you are not who you want to be, take a pill.

Remember the episode “Midnight Rx” on" The Simpsons" where at the end Homer found a lump growing on his neck?

I’m sure many will sign up

seems like every week there is a new medicine commercial on tv with new side effects. i want to know who comes up with all the new names.

Downers in December, Uppers in January, sounds like fun.