Close to Home by John McPherson for October 04, 2022

Fix it where her head can rotate a full 360.

How about a sense of empowerment, it seems several of many fellow males find that quite disconcerting, even horrifying.

she is green with envy!

Have her give out Candy corn, and black licorice for Halloween, That will frighten all who come

I see your problem, Doc. None of this is taught in school.

Give her a pointy head to hold that hat up

She just needs to tell everyone that she has Covid and not wear a mask.

Check out his thumbs…. He needs to see a Cosmetic Surgeon.

Wrong profession, Helga. You need to retain an attorney known for her ability to get one-sided divorce, custody, palimony, and dating “incidents”settlements and awards for her clients.

(Sir, did you get the proper signed consent forms before attempting to engage in the aforementioned act or did you just think you heard that there was a verbal agreement?)

What would an IRS auditor look like?

……… rotten gas, maybe? you know … the one that doesn’t come out of the mouth …

Make her the leader of the Conservative party?

I don’t think that she’ll ever be satisfied.

How about a #MAGA hat?

How about fake snakes on my head…won’t THAT be scary?

Um, Bleeb, you should probably avid looking up that particular dress.

Tell her to ask for a commitment, that’ll scare all the guys away.

She needs to accessorize. A belt of puppy heads with a dead cat stole and she is good to go. …maybe a little orange suntan lotion on her face wouldn’t hurt. seems unpopular these days.

Give her a MAGA hat. That ought to do it.

How about an ID badge that says she’s an IRS Auditor?

“She was somebody’s baby, once!”—Bugs Bunny

(GREEN PLAID ALERT! Everybody do a shot!)

Easy helga. Just tell the kids you’re from the govt and here to help….then snatch their candy bags and run like hell

Orange skin tone?

make her a (Republican) (Democrat) {your choice}

Tell everyone you used to be the Tooth Fairy…

No normal nose?? Just a snake-face.

Have her wear those pants.

Show her your bill. That should draw a horrendous look. :)

Blue is NOT your color, Helga. Try a black paisley Leisure suit. Pretty horrifying. :)

Witches Who Do Plastic Surgery Be Loco! (If you want to make her REALLY scary then make her a SMOKIN’ HOTTIE! – A hot witch is scarier because no man has a defense against them!!)

Well Doc, how about the two remaining standbys, BO and flatulence.