Daddy's Home by Tony Rubino and Gary Markstein for July 06, 2013

Everyone has a favorite tired, old joke, right? What’s yours?

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?One but it really has to want to change

“I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas, I’ll never know!”

What are you up to?

Oh, about 5’-9"

was waiting to get 2 cans of paint from the shaker machine at the harware store and an employee walked up and asked me if she could help me, I told her I was waiting on the paint in the machine, she went over and took them out and said “this for Sam?” Well I am not a Sam so I told her no, then she said…you know like 2 can Sam??, I know I must have looked at her with a stupid look because it took me like 5 minutes to get it. Have to find another hardware store to go to. lol

Take my wife, please.

Bye for now, but remember sell at a profit!

or how about

Fire at will. Run for it Will you can still make it.

There are three kinds of accountants: those who can count, and those who can’t.

There are 10 kinds of people: those who get binary, and those who don’t.

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world – those that understand binary and those that don’t.

Doctor, doctor, it still hurts when I do that.Then why are you still doing it?Because it feels so good when I stop.

An elderly man is approached by a prostitute.“Would you like some super sex? She asksAfter a pause he relies “All things considered, I’ll have the soup.”

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?.By the footprints in the butter.

TILT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.