Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 02, 2014

My favorite safety record is “The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats.:Sing along with Sherlock: “We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind…”

What’s with Rat’s eyes?

No room for “so-so” in a “one chance only” sport. A chutist must be able to have absolute trust in his packer; Rat’s parachute school seems doomed to failure in more ways than one.

I successfully completed basic parachutist’s school in Ft. Benning. One day a Black Hat (instructor) sang us a little ditty to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas:”

“We wish you a malfunctionwe wish you a malfunctionwe wish you a malfunctionand a faulty reserve.”

And there’s the humor in some of the running cadences they sing, such as if their main and reserve chutes malfunction that they would be first to the countryside. That was, for me, and easy and fun course. It amazed me as to how many students they could weed out in the first week using simple harassment.

@Sisyphos—Packer, as in Albert?!?

Rat’s always had a jaundiced view.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need it if you intend to skydive again.

Oh, I forgot one. Two things fall from the sky: bird manure and fools.

He gives a crash course in skydiving. (credit to an old Dilbert cartoon for that one)

I can see Rat "noodling " right into the terra firma…………..

I agree with another commenter…is rat high on something? (hence the poor pun on flying) His eyes make him look likea bug.

@VeteranAh, that reassuring jerk. Wearing the harness was like having one’s body from crotch to shoulders in C clamps. The only way I was comfortable standing was to crouch; I looked forward to jumping out of the plane.

Guess rat could be saying “50-50” or worse “so-sew” . . . . ☻

@Bruno ZeigertsGood one, thanks.That reminds me of one I heard long ago: A fellow takes a 4-engine plane from NYC to London. Shortly after takeoff the pilot’s voice comes over the PA to the passengers, “Good morning, folks. With favorable winds we expect our ETA to be 30 minutes ahead of schedule.” Midway over the ocean the pilot announced that #1 engine was out but the plane would arrive on schedule. A few minutes later the pilot announced that #2 engine was out and that they would be 30 minutes behind schedule. An hour later the pilot announced that #3 engine was out but reassured the passengers that the plane could easily fly on just the one engine but that they would be delayed by hours. The fellow became impatient and, exasperated, said, “Great! That’s just great! If that fourth engine goes out, we’re gonna be up here all day!”

Like in the old coffee commercial: “Good ’til the last drop”……… or….it isn’t the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop.

I heard a story where some recreational chutists were flying out to the drop zone, when the plane developed some engine troubles.It sputtered and spit, and the pilot tweaked and twiddled with the controls, but in a few minutes got it working again.So he turns around to tell everybody the plane is fine, only now it’s empty …

According to a former Parachute Regiment corporal, reserves are for wimps (and recreational parachuting) – I recall being told that when all else fails you should cross your feet so the airflow induces rapid spinning. On impact you would screw yourself into the ground making things much tidier as all that would be needed was a cupfull of earth to backfill….

@VeteranHoooah! Rangers jump nearly everywhere they go, it seems. Those who like to parachute and get paid for it should consider rangers. I believe they didn’t wear helmets except when jumping. It’s too bad the Army “ripped off” their black berets. I don’t know how many ranger battalions there are now. It was two, and then maybe 6? and now 3?

I’d never have guessed, Rat.

xxx

New parachute school. I’d be willing to be Rat hasn’t had a student yet. So he can honestly say “We haven’t had any deaths or injuries” when asked about his safety record. Of course that doesn’t mean a good safety record since they have no safety record as yet.

Also not acceptable for ITUs, nuclear power generators and rockets.