Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 21, 2014

Actually, there’s a theory that making more roads causes traffic congestion, and that reducing the number of roads eases traffic on the remaining ones.:What this means for armadillo marriages, I’m not sure.

Armadillos need to smarten up.I remember driving down to Key West, and I saw dozens of iguanas sitting by the roadside, watching. Just sitting and watching. After passing, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the critters scurrying across the road.the little buggers were waiting until it was safe to cross!

Pedestrian X-ing halfway

I get it. Staci didn’t throw Stephan out, Steff has been fantasizing being single. Staci needs to be careful, Steff knows contract law, and can, never mind. I’m not giving Steff any plans to kill his wife. Pastis is gonna have to come up with his own plans.

Ya know, Staci could just empty the accounts, make the home seem like a crime scene, and go to Katmandu until Steff is convicted.

This sounds like my city. It’s exactly what the city planners here would do, especially if they got someone from overseas who said it was ore cost effective and would save the environment.

Pastis must have traveled in Texas recently. Dead armadillos usually abound on central Texas roads.

Highways kill men, women, children, and armadillos every day. We must ban highways, or at least restrict access to them. Think of the children!

imagine the following terrible scene:Fifteen or sixteen thousand square miles (an area, say—-just for example, resembling Maryland and Delaware and Washington DC combined—not that I would suggest for one moment that it WAS actually Maryland and Delaware and Washington DC combined): those places reduced to a fused, lifeless, flat plane, scattered with the crushed remains of what might be small furry animals, or might indeed be something far worse; nothing can grow there, not even a blade of grass; above it the very air itself is damaged, blighted, troubled; and what about the inhabitants?—-hundreds of thousands dead, many millions more hurt, possibly dying too. And who knows what hulking shapes lumber or hurtle their bulks through this nightmare plain, sometimes blaring their sudden, shocking cries or, as the light dims, glaring lights of a blinding intensity into the gloom…See:http://howlandbolton.com/essays/read_more.php?sid=242for details :-)

Oh, Cartoon-Boy! Will you never learn? Wife III should be represented flat as a pancake. I’ve seen many a Texas highway patty of armadillo, and they never remain wrapped up in a defensive ball, or at least as close to “never” as is practical. You can’t tear down that highway, Mr. Cartoon-Boy!

he will stop…stop..er!

The only good armadillo is a dead armadillo.

The Florida Department of Transportation refused a request to put a traffic light on the main road leading to and from Eckerd College (St. Petersburg), off a major highway. They had done studies, they said, and traffic did not meet requirements for a traffic signal. However, they measured the traffic during the slack summer season, and did not account for rush hour. A man who had petitioned for a traffic signal for over a decade, was killed at the dangerous intersection. The Eckerd community rallied, and the light was soon installed. I couldn’t find all the facts above in one news article, but this one will do: http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/accidents/eckerd-intersection-where-man-died-to-get-a-traffic-light/1274990

by my house their is a very busy street put in about 8 years ago. there are two neighborhoods that this very busy street splits. so far there have been two deaths within the last five years at the only intersection where pedestrians and bicyclists of the neighborhoods can cross this very busy street without going a couple miles out of the way to circle back.

when the city investigated the intersection after the death of a small child on a bicycle, the second death, their solution was to put up warning signs not to cross at that intersection and to put up a sign that said the trail that the bike path followed was closed to crossing there and that to follow the bike path you should go another mile and cross at the next intersection and come back on the other side of this very busy street. you can guess how many follow the advise given on the signs.

after doing a little historical research i have unscientifically come to the conclusion that it takes three deaths before the city will put up stop lights at an intersection if said stop light was not in the original city plans.at least that is the case in five very similar situations in the past of this city.

i guess the point of my rant is – in our city a traffic light is only justified by the lives of three people. so mr. armadillo if you live in my city you should be getting that stop light soon.

The highway I used to live on had every imaginable type of dead wildlife, from squirrels up to (and including) cows.

PSD – Poor Squirrell Decision. It’s an epidemic that the Federal Government will be spending millions on soon.

Poor little guy.

xxx

It’s all those road construction projects and those orange cones that cause the traffic congestion.

I guess Gordon Lightfoot won’t be writing and singing a song about THIS highway!

Armadillos jay walk. Need to have more traffic lights and cross-walks. And signage. Need a lot of those yellow diamond shaped signs with an armadillo’s silhouette and the word “Crossing”. And lower speed limits. And a plan to offer reflective paint for armadillo shells. Or little reflective suits in neon green and orange. And if that doesn’t work, little armadillo tunnels so they can cross under the highway. And for the rainy days, a drainage system for the little tunnels. And – oh, to heck with it. Armadillos aren’t on the endangered species list anyway.

I see more Possum roadkill around here – Sorry, Buggerlugs.

So are they waiting for an arm or a dillo?

Ha!!

Check out “The Armadillo Song” by John Arthur Martinez:

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=armadillo+song+john+arthur+martinez&FORM=VIRE4#view=detail&mid=28050DEB1D8A2D37CD3428050DEB1D8A2D37CD34

Try crossing a four-lane highway with no traffic lights to get to the beach! Or to get away from a family of skunks!