During divorce proceedings, the judge asks the soon-to-be ex-couple’s son whether he wishes to live with his father. “No,” the boy replies. “My dad beats me.”
“What about your mother?” the judge inquires.
“No. She beats me too.”
“Well, since you’re a minor, you have to live with someone.”
“I want to live with the Detroit Lions! They never beat anyone.”
Most days I beat my husband up. On the odd occasion he has an early appointment, its a treat for me when he beats me up, I get to watch the news in bed! Happy Sunday everyone!
Reminds me of the sketch from Michael Nesmith’s “Elephant Parts” where a very serious narrator announces a discussion of battered wives..Then the camera pulls back to reveal in the other seat a woman completely covered in a sticky mixture of flour and egg.
The Nihilist over 10 years ago
Just goes to show where some people keep their minds
Templo S.U.D. over 10 years ago
Interesting choice of words at the beginning of your story, Earl.
David Huie Green LoveJoyAndPeace over 10 years ago
I knew instantly what he meant.It was the only way that gentle soul could havee beaten him up.
Pretzelcoatl over 10 years ago
During divorce proceedings, the judge asks the soon-to-be ex-couple’s son whether he wishes to live with his father. “No,” the boy replies. “My dad beats me.”
“What about your mother?” the judge inquires.
“No. She beats me too.”
“Well, since you’re a minor, you have to live with someone.”
“I want to live with the Detroit Lions! They never beat anyone.”
Egrayjames over 10 years ago
Question on employee character assessment questionnaire : Do you still beat your wife?
juicebruce over 10 years ago
Was Pastis Here ?
She Mc over 10 years ago
Most days I beat my husband up. On the odd occasion he has an early appointment, its a treat for me when he beats me up, I get to watch the news in bed! Happy Sunday everyone!
KEA over 10 years ago
English – the language for people who enjoy miscommunication.
Dani Rice over 10 years ago
“Beats me up” still leads to fewer misunderstandings than the British “knock you up”, which mean to tap on the door to awaken you.
Nortley over 10 years ago
Second one up gets a warm toilet seat.
jtviper7 over 10 years ago
I hope Opal made Earl breakfast.
Retired Dude over 10 years ago
Saw that comin’.
Number Three over 10 years ago
What about when she “beats an egg” ?OK. Maybe that one wasn’t very good.xxx
Hunter7 over 10 years ago
well we do know Opal can whip the potatoes. or the cream.
gaslightguy over 10 years ago
Good for a laugh. Thanks!
dadoctah over 10 years ago
Reminds me of the sketch from Michael Nesmith’s “Elephant Parts” where a very serious narrator announces a discussion of battered wives..Then the camera pulls back to reveal in the other seat a woman completely covered in a sticky mixture of flour and egg.
chromosome Premium Member over 10 years ago
I beat my 99-year-old dad up each morning… that way I can get the milk out for him.
melmarsh9v over 10 years ago
That joke was old when Earl’s grandfather was a boy!