Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for July 23, 2015

Never mind the colander, it can’t be a kitchen without chocolate and a double-boiler!

Forget the strain and forget the evil SOS pad.

The flour sifter does a remarkable job in the colander’s stead.

According to some fancy kitchen site that claims it wants to make my life easier, here’s a lame list of ESSENTIAL kitchen utensils. I don’t know how essential most of them are since I don’t have the majority of them… plus I’m not even sure what some of them are or what they do..ladle, locking tongs, metal spatula, rubber spatula, slotted spoon, whisk, chef’s knife, garlic press, grater, kitchen shears, lemon press, microplane grater, paring knife, potato masher, serrated bread knife, V-shaped vegetable peeler, can opener, corkscrew, instant-read thermometer, measuring cups, measuring spoons, peppermill, salad spinner, timer, wire mesh colanders.

What? No trebuchet, mangonel or onager? Aren’t those necessary in the kitchen too?

A microwave is an appliance. Wait. Nothing in Teresa’s cartoon says anything about utensils vs appliances or anything else specific.

A microwave is essential for me. And plastic plates, forks, spoons, etc. I’m too lazy to even load a dishwasher. I just throw everything away. I’m definitely not the greeniest, earth-friendly person around.

How about the Selfie Toaster, the Extremely Enormous Peppermill, Taste Enhancing Forks, and Paper Towel Holder with USB Charging Ports? All available now at Hammacher Schlemmer!

I don’t care what the date is.

There are too many magnets on that top-heavy fridge, but I am pleased to see a pot of hot coffee on the table. I’ll sit down with a cup, thank you, and mull over Teresa’s complaint…. Hey, maybe it’s in the cupboard!

Know what this kitchen needs? A toaster! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec

The fold-up steamer may be used as a colander or strainer in an emergency. In addition to that, there is also the religious calendar, which has Holy Days. And there is a tee-shirt knotted at the waist that may be used. Just pour stuff down the neck-hole. The beauty of that one is you never have to wash it because you soak it in boiling water just about every time you use it. There was a colander, but I was emulating Doc Brown and building a mind reading device from it.

Frozen pizza means never having to search for a colander.

A square of coarsely woven cloth loosely draped over a large bowl works very well.

The artwork has a Jim’s Journal-esque feel to it today (and that’s a high compliment).

The Bunny Sea Slug

I need a cozy for everything. A toaster cozy. A colander cozy. A lemon press cozy. A cozy for my cozies. And they should have a common theme. Maybe bunnies. Please find me a nice bunny cozy, Happy!!

Do refrigerator magnets disrupt goverment brain-reading microwaves?

Na-na-nah, Na-na-na, Na-na-NAH!

Ultimately the search for a colander placed too great a strain on our relationship. Berries un-rinsed, we ate our short-bread and prayed that there were no pesticide or fecal residues.I was of the opinion that a non-dairy whipped topping would cure all ills. within fourteen hours, I would be proved wrong.

Upon later reflection, I realized that I could have used my hat for a colander. While nothing I put into my body had been in a colander, though it certainly could have been, nothing coming out would have been able to stay in a colander.“Too much loose talk.”, I had thought at the moment.

It is not a kitchen then…

Some of that old black magic needed…