Close to Home by John McPherson for July 21, 2016

But then again it might be better to just say “Johann” instead of your full name – Johann Gambolputty… de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut- gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm

Tell them you’re the Donner Party.

Or Pity Party of One.

I always say, “Aloysius.”

At a restaurant, use Pa Pa. You’ll hear Pa Pa Party of 3!

I know of a guy who likes to say he is Archer Maggot.

I actually do this sometimes. I use the Babylonian pronunciation of Nebuchadnezzar: Nabu-kudurri-utsur. When they cringe, I roll my eyes, sigh, and say “Ahh, just use ‘George.’”

But you can call me Al.

I’m a Boni Maroni adherent so the appropriate motto is Call me what you want to call me, just don’t call me late for lunch.

I never give my real name. It’s fun to use an accent.

Then get in trouble with the police so news anchors have to say your name. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/beezow-doo-doo-zopittybop-bop-bop-arrested_us_56b1b6aae4b01d80b2448897

So Baba it is

There’s a movement to give the name “Black Lives Matter” at Starbucks when you place an order. I think we should do that at every place that asks your name. I’ll be Black Lives Matter 1241957

And the cashier writes down, “A. Nother Wisea$$”.

There was a guy in my first army unit named Kolodziejczak.He was called “K alphabet” for any roll call.

But you can call me Jerk.

Hey, it isn’t easy to get all those people into government housing and on government food rations and ultimately forced into government labor. Growing the plantations into the forces of absolute authority they were took time. You can help realize the dream, though. Vote for more socialization of the economy. Vote for more dependency. It’s up to you. There aren’t any people living on the coast who will raid your home and sell you to slavers to make you realize the dream. It is all on you this time.

my ex used to say Seymore Butts

BrassOrchidYour fearmongering has no effect on me. I have lived under the democratic socialism you hate but don’t understand, nor intend to. Had more freedom and made more money in actual buying power than before or since. However, I returned to the US when it was physically safe to do so for much the same reason Socialist Willy Brant gave up his Norwegian citizenship to return to Germany after WW-II. You might have to flee your country when you and your family are physically threatened, but when that threat is reduced, you should be back trying to help form a more perfect union.