Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for October 28, 2016

I’m not really lame, but I do have a pronounced limp.

isn’t it?

ISN’T IT?!?!?!?!

I’m sure it’s targeted directly at me.

Yes, it’s all about me if you must know.

I feel no Shame

The road to Lame

Is not about Blame,

Or being Tame,

Or gaining Fame.

But all the Same,

I love that Dame.

.

— Burma Shave

I’m just here for the lameness.

Yes, but you don’t have the muttonchops quite right.

Teresa, Carly Simon would like to have a word with you. In fact, several words…

After further consideration, I would like to apologize for my outburst. I realize now that it would be very unlikely that I should actually rise to such a state of being merely lame as to be Frog Worthy. It’s just that I try so hard to not be wholly without merit or redeeming social values as to be merely lame rather than entirely awful, that I sometimes have delusions of lameness where I actually enjoy full uselessness, mostly by choice and often with a can of cola and a bag of Cheetos near to hand.

Truth be told, I work very hard at being useless and find that being lame requires just a bit too much effort.

Meanwhile James Taylor sits on the sundeck strumming his guitar.

Warren Beatty inspired one lyric in the song…

…you said that we made such a pretty pair…

Best one of late! I actually laughed out loud!

 

I respectfully refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to inlaminate me.

Not really lame. I just have minor hip alignment issues that give me effective leg length differences that sometimes make it look like I’m limping.       I do exercises every day to help realign them.

I’m pretty sure its not about me,

I’ll just close the door quietly and leave.

Cartoon earworm.

Yes. indeed I do. You’re very generous, Teresa.. Thank you

It’s OK, you’ve got a friend. That should make you a WHOLE lot better, like it did for the French.

I’m sorry, did you say something?

I was preoccupied in discerning why my Victorian nose flute was whistling in the quarter notes; but a quick trim and all is right as rain.

Which is an odd turn of phrase; mid-18th century agrarian in origin, I believe.

’ Round West Gruntington, Shiffarud.

East side of the road, close to the curb.

Next to Buc-ee’s.

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All right, if you must know, I admit it. I have not yet achieved Ultimate Lameness!

But if I wear a slouch hat and a peach scarf, would it be okay for me just to pretend that the comic is about me? Just this once? Pretty please? (That was kinda lame, wasn’t it?)

According to the comic you need a tie and coat and maybe a mustache.

Um… yeah?

Never trust a man with a muttonchops.