Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for November 23, 2016

Creepy earlobes? Your sister is trolling me. I shall commence a flame war. Your sister is stinky.

Thank you. I do try to make my earlobes special.

My earlobes are NOT creepy. I was born without earlobes. Or as Teresa would probably say, EARLOBELESS.

Just because they peek out at you from behind the ear-hairs and the wax overflow is no reason to call them creepy…

.

The hump on your sister’s back that moves from side to side? Now that’s creepy!

I’m only here for the lameness. Your sister thinks all lobes are creepy.

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.

WEDNESDAY’S BLACK FRIDAY SALE!!!

Lametorium Floaties now 70% off!

Visit the deep end of the Lametorium without fear of drowning!

Dive into the Lame without compressing your spine and concussing your brain AND without sinking like a rock!

These deals won’t last, so quit dry-rubbing that turkey and get moving!

I like this strip and now they’re telling me to leave?! Fine, I’m going! You won’t have Josh Lyons to kick around anymore!!

There’s much to say about your sister’s unibrow..

Sure, my earlobes are creepy.

That is the threshhold.

My earlobes exist in that state entirely to keep out the non-lame.

If you can’t get past the earlobes, you probably shouldn’t be there anyway.

Some people never say directly what they mean, but instead attack others obliquely. That’s both lame AND creepy. And those glasses! JEEZ!

But I just paid to get into the Lametorium.

You people could update your exhibits.

Lame is as lame does… earlobes not-with-standing.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a Ferengi! Nothing creepy about my earlobes. …Misshapen, maybe, but not creepy. Your sister doesn’t scare me. I’m staying here in the Lametorium!

From lame to lobe in one non sequitur flat.

Come for the lameness, stay for the creepiness.

That’s just my alien implant. Try to ignore it, I do. It’s been malfunctioning for years & good repairmen are far between.

If it’s all existential to you, I’ll be staying.

Lady, we live in a world that is lame, and that lameness has to be maintained by men with earlobes. Who’s gonna do it? You? Your picky sister? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the Lametorium, and you curse my earlobes. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that my earlobes, while tragic, preserve lameness; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, preserves lameness.

You know I was kidding, right?

Let me know if I’ve been disappeared to the Universal Gitmo for being flagged by an irate partisan fanatic. I happened to raise a question that edged on a James O’Keefe video, which is not an officially recognized State News Source.

I could go lamer.