Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for December 05, 2017

They generally express their remorse in the passive voice: “Mistakes were made,” as though those pesky mistakes made themselves while nobody was around.

Women do not want text pictures of yourselfers. Period.

Can’t a man hug his turtle without people taking offense?

He erased his left ear, so that you’ll know he’s sincere..

From embarrassment, he had fled then changed his name to Vincent..

I considered finding a way to get rid of the static. I could mention it and seek treatment to be medicated into oblivion in no time, probably. But it wasn’t harmful, unless you count the source of the static, which always seemed to be somebody to whom something bad should happen anyway. Besides, I’d probably be medicated for life if it turned out to be something I was growing into and not just some phase. People were already starting to think I was dim, for taking time to think about stuff to make sure I was getting it right and not getting more noise than signal. I didn’t need for them to think I was crazy, too. I had to get above this and figure out how it worked.

“And if thy left ear offend thee, pluck it out.” (Teresa 5:29)

Locker room talk should stay in the locker room.

Grab them by their intellect and lead them to the library.

Republicans practice sincere blame shifting.

Not “I’m sorry for the harm I’ve caused” but “I’m sorry IF anyone is offended.” That’s also a “boys will be boys” argument, like “Sorry I threw the ball through your window, It was an accident.”

“We were just kidding around.”

“It was just a joke.”

But the scars remain for a lifetime…

It was simply a case of the right ear not knowing what the left was doing.

tenderly hold your left loped off ear and say three hail maryies.

Nothing quite like an Ifpology

The most popular software of the time was the PEE OS. It grew in users as the need for apology subroutines to manage real time peripheral interactions grew. It is said that the name was derived from the quote, “The quality of mercy is not strained; It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath.”, from The Merchant of Venice.

That’s not “remorse.” That is not the agenbite of inwit. That is PR hooey. —You do remember “hooey,” don’t you? And as for that fake, photoshopped missing left ear, do not say hear hear, do not grace his presence with your applause. NO Frog Applause for insincere false apologies!

Hoo-ee, baby, hoo-ee

Baby, don’t you let your dog bite me

Oh poppycock.