Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 04, 2018

How lucky for Pig that a football was available.

if Pig broke a light after kicking that ball, shouldn’t the room be dark?

Kick that Rat, Pig.

Steve Martin could be his cheerleader: “Die, you gravy-sucking pig.”

Pig punted perfectly.

Actually, it isn’t because they are too far from their goal, it’s because the other team is too close to theirs. There are three possible situations— inside whatever distance your field goal kicker is most likely to get the three points, that’s what you try. If you are pretty close to your goal line and don’t have a huge distance to get the first down, it’s usually most logical to go for it on fourth down, since failure still keeps the other team away from your end zone. The punt is appropriate when neither of the of the above two options exist, and your only one left is to give up the ball as far as possible from your own end zone.

I am surprised that Mr. Pastis doesn’t consider “punt” a transitive verb form of “pun”.

i.e. “Yesterday’s cartoon was punt graphically.”

Hey Pig. Quit kicking Uncle Jimmy around.

Mom always said, don’t play ball in the house!

Works for Congress.

Official Grammar Police here! I call a penalty on Rat: fifteen yards for saying a punt is “when…,” when in fact a punt is an action, a play, a strategy—whatever noun—, but not an adverb. Therefore, the punt is no longer necessary. Problem solved. First and ten, Pig!

Good thing it wasn’t night when Pig broke that light!