Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for April 11, 2018

Funny how the reporter thought of an eighteen year old as spinster-bait. Was this printed in The Aroostook Cougar-Herald?

My, how times have changed!

http://bitsandpieces.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/on-the-farmer-dating-site….png

He’s a handsome guy. Besides, who could pass up first-rate buckwheat and a single-digit flock of sheep.

As for a waterfall, I didn’t realize it was possible to buy one. Does one hope to find a waterfall at retail price, wholesale price, with a coupon, or as a buy-one-waterfall-get-one-free purchase?

Ask your Father to teach the basics of wife swapping for the deed to your farm, he will help you studly.

Make a pre sex trip for testing at an Armoury clinic.

The health department will make sure she is female.

A former farmer for my fair maid

“Cleared eighteen acres last year”

I guess that explains why he hasn’t had time to be on Tinder or hit the clubs.

If he’s up in Aroostook, he should be puttin’ down taters…

If this ad is in the Personals section, it represents quite an investment, ladies …

“I haven’t a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.”

— Mark Twain

Did their grandkids vote for Trump?

“How I Met Your Mother”, Chapter One

Peregrine Shivers, posthaste artiste’, begins the con.

18 acres is a bunch of land/work to clear. We live on 14 rural acres. Google map screen capture: https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1455/26103267334_ff3a9c0e40_o.jpg

The driveway there is a city block long and the plot is slightly larger than 2 city blocks total length and roughly a block wide. A conservative estimate is that we have 300 or more trees growing here.

“Female persuasion”? And here I spent a fortune on hormones and surgery.

The only solution now is how to pick and choose. A ho down and pinned wrestle off!

Long ago and far, far away … then BOOM … the internet nova blew this noble and ancient form of communication into tiny bits of smithereen (is that redundant or just lame?) ….

Hattie told Mattie about an oat farmer she saw…

.

Wild thing, I think I love you.

But I want to sow for sure!

Help! There is no return address or name! How can the local spinsters reply to this generous offer by a charming if naive young man from Aroostook in the years of President Andy Johnson?! Do we need a Temporal Anomaly RFD identifier? Oh, help; I feel so lame! Even now, spinsters of my acquaintance are beginning to experience the vapors….

I think the waterfalls bit could be the sticking point for him. One needs to search far and wide for a LADY who enjoys golden showers, or so I’m told.

I believe this is a re-run.

I suppose the dude was hip for his time but he is very young.

Frog Applause is trending in Offbeat again today. Some days the GoCo o-lords can’t control the beast.