Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 29, 2018

In my neighborhood if someone blocks a driveway, their tires get “pierced.”

Point a gun at him. A gun trumps a knife!

Better watch out for Pierce from Zits. As his name implies, he’s got piercings all over his body!

This makes me wonder how many tattoos there are in the White House. Backstabbing.

Let’s hope that he got those tattoos at a decent prison!

that used to be a good rule of thumb, until every marshmallow soft hipster doofus got inked up.

A tattoo is the common man’s way of investing in art.—-Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III

Most hipsters are 20-30, the age group right behind the tattoo kids. Both millennials.

Four tattoos AND pierced nipples and you can be SURE SHE’s really dangerous.

Every time the subject of tattoos comes up I have to tell this story…

When a friend of mine was in the Marines he and a bunch of his fellow Marines came down to San Diego to party and go to Tijuana. He and another weren’t feeling well so they stayed behind at the hotel while the rest of the group went to Tijuana. On the way back to the hotel the party group all got tattoos. One guy got “Allergic to Penicillin” tattooed on his shoulder and his butt. My friend pointed out to him that on one they misspelled allergic and on the other they misspelled penicillin!

In the words of Ozzy Ozzborne. “Now a days If ya want to be different don’t get a tattoo.”

I have three or more tattoos…

If there is a confederate battle flag on any of those tattoos you are more likely to be run over or shot than stabbed.

Well there is the King Arthur Rule (from Holy Grail): “RUN AWAY!”

A real tatoo has pipes and drums.

I had a good friend that had beautiful body art all over his back and arms. It was still a work in progress and the artwork was depicting some Norse mythology. Unfortunately, even though he only used one tattoo artist and the shop was supposedly reputable, he contracted Hep C. He died of liver failure a couple of years after contracting it. No, he did not drink – at all.

Profiling.

Pig, you are such a weenie! Or should I have said “pork sausage”?

Yeah, nowadays every college kid has tattoos, especially the women. So it doesn’t mean anything like it used to mean.

What most people are unaware of is that tattoos affect the ability to receive medication by injection or by skin patches. (Keep in mind that some meds can only be taken that way.) This is because the ink and scar tissue affects absorption. We’re also supposed to avoid tattoos when drawing blood. I understand there’s a risk of introducing ink into the vein.

My husband is the least likely to resort to violence but we noticed after he got a sleeve (tattoos from his shoulder to his wrist with little to no skin showing all Doctor Who related so that tells you he’s a geek, not a thug), people tend to be more “intimidated” by him in public. Once a guy blocked us in while we were parked, hubby stood near our car waiting for the person to move their car. After a good 20 mins, they finally emerged, saw my husband and apologized profusely; I’m sure it helped that hubby looked like a biker with his huge beard and shaved head. At the same time, people do that stuff to me and they just give me a “sorry” nod, get in their car and take their time getting themselves together before they finally move. Maybe I should get some tattoos…..