Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for August 23, 2018

“I’m not giving a fortune to someone who just ate my home.”

Is Dakota even going to try to be in the in-crowd amongst the upperclassmen/-women?

Really? Dakota is “trying” to be popular?

There’s nothing wrong with using your brain, Dakota. Does it take being a shallow, vacuous airhead, or at least act like one, to be popular? Needless to say, I never was popular.

Dakota…full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…

It’s a Kardashian moment.

She’s also, like, trying to improve her, like, vocabulary?

Hey…at least Phoebe has proven she’s educated, despite her supposed lack of popularity (if she’s so “unpopular,” how come she’s the one who’s the star of the comic?)

Says the girl who just won a Goblin award.

SHE’S the one who, like, says weird stuff?

Oh my God! Barf out! Gag me with a spoon! Totally!

Is Dakota trying to be a Valley Girl?

Sometimes popularity must come at another’s expense, it seems. In order for you to be ‘in’, some other poor slob must be ‘out’. Apparently for Dakota, it is not enough that she be successful, others must fail.

Yeah, that’s Shakespeare for “I’m a useless narcissistic fop who doesn’t realize he’s in a scene that’s being played for laughs, and at some point I’m going to intervene in a domestic disturbance and get stabbed”, as Tailsteak once pointed out. When you’re quoting, context matters.

“What’s so great about Shakespeare? His stuff’s just a bunch of quotes strung together.”

One mean-spirited, ignorant little witch!

Well, Shakespeare wrote great fortune cookie material…

F*&k Dakota.

Well, Dakota’s being true to herself? I guess that Phoebe doesn’t appreciate that. XD

A fortune cookie can do anything better than you can do, Dakota.