Pooch Cafe by Paul Gilligan for October 05, 2018

You’re delirious, Chazz, thinking Poncho ate some pizza without you.

I can see the news anchor now: ‘Owner dies under tree while faithless dog uses his credit card to buy pizza. Looks like the days of ’Lassie’ are gone forever…’

Wrong Chaz, it was double pepperoni!

Actually there’s an innocent explanation. All rescue vehicles are required by law to be equipped with a hot-box full of pepperoni Hot Pockets, to be administered to injured patients as a way of protesting against hypoglycemic shock. The EMTs simply dosed Poncho as normal best practice.

“This way, men !” Do people even talk like that? Do they worry ‘men’ won’t know who they’re addressing otherwise?

“This way!”

“Who, us?”

“I think he’s talking to someone else, otherwise he would have said ‘men’ at the end of that sentence.”

“Yeah he’s probably talking to the trees or maybe some squirrels or something.”

I love it! Almost like the Biazzaro world Lassie!

What a relief. All’s well that ends well. Chaz is saved. Poncho is fed. Emergency services are heroes and the only one that dies is the tree. I wonder if Poncho will get a medal? I mean, he did save Chaz, the long way around.

So what happened to all those commenters who said Poncho wouldn’t get help?

“Oh, look! Your wallet is lying on the ground! Someone took your cash and credit cards—probably those dirty squirrels.”