Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for September 06, 2019

Extensions still must require a strap-on effect, don’t you think?

Forty odd years ago when working at the mill a customer came in wearing an “old way” shoe extension framework that was 8 or 10 inches high. I still wonder, when I recall this, what caused one of his legs to be so much shorter than the other one.

Even orthopedic shoes started life as something cool. I never heard them called Extension Shoes, though.

Bring on your phony cures for the lame, we wallow in blatant lameness.

Can one still say “lame” in an advert?

If only there were hair removal orthotics!

I read every word! Now I have eye strain, I’ll sic aunt Sue on Teresa!

I sometimes watch the Major League Baseball (MBL) channel. Between innings, the guys come out onto this miniature playing field in suits, with shoes that must be at least size 16 AA. They must wear extensions. I once heard that there was a connection between shoe size and…well… maybe they’re trying to show off something they don’t have. Oh, height! That’s what it was. Still…you can’t show off your height by wearing shoe extensions. It’s not height. Baseball gloves make your hands look bigger, too. I guess I should stop here.

“The Perfect Extension Shoe” people would have had better success had they branched out into jock straps …!

Ouch.. the girdle. OUCH! And I’m just looking at it. I imagine they were uncomfortable enough to make some women angry and want to vote and stuff.

Lame people got no reason

Lame people got no reason

Lame people got no reason to live

They got diverse feet

Hairy arms

They post online hawkin’ Modene’s charms

They got bustier roses

And live cleanly (realize)

They wear Extension shoes so both feet look alike

(with apologies to Randy Neuman, Isaiah Dixon, the marketing genius behind Carter’s Little Liver Pills and my 1970-71 senior English teacher (R.I.P.) at Van Buren High School)

When shopping for Polio, be sure to buy Sapolio brand.

… if it is guaranteed to remove hair by the root…

…what a dangerous contraption…

…imagine spilling on an area accidentally and voilà: no more eyebrows: ever!…

…this FA was just lame…

…old joke punchline: Well, peg leg, peg leg, peg leg…

..at least it wasn’t Peyronie’s disease…

Lotz, Modene, and Sapolio, a diverse holding company specializing in dubious remedies for the needy and gullible Lame. Our prospectus makes no promise but notes that the majority of the population fits our targeted base.

Our world-class Marketing Division uses magazine and comic book back pages for an effective campaign strategy that will earn you the highest return on your investment!

[SUCKER!]

Lets Play Guess That Disease!