Monty by Jim Meddick for March 17, 2020

But it’s “Gluten Free”!

Mostly it’s just to cover themselves. My niece and I are allergic to various things and look at the allergy advice. In her case she can’t drink milk or eat nuts but if it only says “may contain…” or “ processed on machinery which…” then we don’t have reactions. As long as it’s not an actual ingredient.

It’s all natural.

I’m curious to know which products contain cat dander, how many cats were involved in the process.

“…made in the same factory as weapons-grade plutonium…”

Nuclear waste by-products, ….

My favorite product disclaimer: “Nutritional information: Don’t even ask. This is the best ice cream made in Wisconsin, and it tastes so good because it has gobs of rich Wisconsin cream, tons of real ingredients for boat-loads of luscious flavors. That means it’s not low-fat, low-calorie, or low-anything, and that’s why everyone loves it. You want nutrition, eat carrots.” —Chocolate Shoppe Ice Cream (Madison, Wisconsin)

what the hell kind of equipment is this? Do they fill their boxes with a garbage chute?

So you be better eating the box.

Some companies are so scared of libel they put the most ridiculous warnings. I had a packet of potato chips, 3 ingredients: potato, salt and oil. But the allergy warning said MAY contain, dairy, shellfish, soy etc.

I stopped eating breakfast cereals from boxes a long time ago. I haven’t regretted the decision, either….