Close to Home by John McPherson for April 17, 2020

Bleeb is checking the basket. Making sure the guy gets everything on his shopping list.

Bad timing!!

Oh no, this will not come out well!

OK, this is an old joke from my high school years in the 60’s and very juvenile so forgive me. What do you call a spastic with diarrhea? A juicy fruit.

How many does she need?

“Here. I got you these…”

Looks like they are located in the rear of the store.

Well, this is a great way to break the ice, if handled right.

I hope she wasn’t too shocked!

That is why you shop at the all night stores.

Holy crap! What, you need, a toilet plunger to insert the things?!

When they first started using self checkout scanners in grocery stores, the scanner would “announce” the purchase! That went away rather quickly. Darcy would not have liked that either.

Asking him to help would be a great way to break the ice.

I was buying condoms once when I was a teenager and the biggest tattletale at school ends up behind me at the checkout line, along with her “Betty Bowers” mother………..

Where is the cute guy? Is he standing behind the weird-looking fellow?

He’d find out sooner or later

“Uh, these are for my grandmother.” “I gotta go , she’s waiting.”

I grew up in a very conservative church. When I was engaged, and getting married in about a week, my fiance and I went to the store and bought some condoms for after the wedding. We are standing there and I grab a pack. As I do an elderly lady from my church sees me and comes up to talk. I am not sure I have ever been so embarrassed.

If I ever want to see everyone I have ever met all I have to do is pick up a pregnancy test kit. Works every time!

“Hi Darcy! Aww man, I see you’re buying Super Strength Suppositories! What a coincidence, I buy the exact same ones! So, do you use them as fire-starter-logs, too?”

“Cute guy” is obviously subjective…

Now if he has a stash of toilet paper at home, this might be a match made in heaven.

I hope that’s not the actual size on box?

What’s really wrong here is that they both look more or less like human beings – strange day to scale down the repulsivometer…

Try the old line: “It’s not for me; buying it for a friend!”

Another embarrassing moment, cashier calls over the PA “Price check on XL incontinence panties”. Not that it’s happened to me.

She was so surprised she about didn’t need the suppositories.

Darcy is full of crap…

She could say that she’s a sales rep and try plugging the product.

OH look, they have Bleebs in stock.

Bleeb is hanging out with the groceries

Is it wrong that I would have enjoyed catching a crush of mine buying such things?