Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for June 19, 2020

Warning – results may vary depending on volume. ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ setting of 100 decibels not recommended.

If you try to open a can quietly, a cat will not only hear it but will rush in at top speed, and then ignore you.

Is there a second tattoo of a mouth and tongue on her left cheek?

Now that’s cheating!

LOL! Her cat is going to be so mad!

Tip I read somewhere – just drag a string thru the area. The cat will come out.

Catfishing on the computer…

I named my cat “Whrrrrr” so she comes when I call her.

My family used to joke that mom’s boss Sam thought his name was the sound of the electric can opener. He’d come running every time, just in case it was his dinner time.

Read that a pet parrot would imitate the sound of a can opener and then laugh when the cat rushed in.

My cat would chirp like a squirrel. It didn’t end well for any squirrels that came down from the trees to investigate.

That’s so true, even though I’ve never given my cat any food that comes in a can that needs a can opener. It’s in their DNA! And she can smell cheese from outside!

Dinner bell.

This reminds me of a cat I had once. His name was Garfield and he really liked Pounce treats. All I had to do was shake the can and he came right away. He got out of the house one time and I couldn’t find him anywhere. I just took the can of Pounce and walked around the neighborhood. He bolted over a six foot fence and came right to me. The funny part is that he didn’t have any front claws but he managed to climb the fence. That cat would do anything for those treats.

Hey Mark, may I call you Mark, there’s a shot you can get for this cat disease you caught, mark my words.

Cats and dogs can have a microchip inserted under their skin to help in identification. A subcutaneous GPS is a matter of time.

When I was a kid we had a wall mounted hand-crank can opener. Two turns and the cat was at your feet!

the best way to find your cat is to start something, folding laundry, for example, that you want the cat to stay away from – you’ll have company instantly…

I used to have a cat for whom the “come here now” sound was opening one of those individually wrapped sticks of string cheese.