Close to Home by John McPherson for July 16, 2020

Break out the cannons blow em out of the wate ah street.

Dawg gone it, Bleeb has been hanging out with that Patsnozzle again. He even has a hat on. I bet they have been planning the capture of the young Maiden in the window.And Patsnozzle has the nerve to blame it on the Impkins. ;-]}

Someone needs to sic the Po’ Dawg on him……

“Thar she blows” spake the lookout.

I am a porch pirate

I hope I don’t arrive too late

My cannons don’t thunder

But there’s plenty to plunder

You’re my pandemic victim of fate

I’m here at your gate, I’m here at your gate

Apologies to Jimmy Buffett

Arrgh!!!

Don’t forget about the peeping Tom in the crow’s nest!

Nice vehicle! DMV approved your registration?

Avast, ye mateys! Bleeb be swashbucklin’…

One fellow on You Tube, a genuine highly trained engineer who worked for NASA or some such, constructs decoy packages that are filled with glitter, powerful stink bombs, loud police band recordings, and four cameras to catch the thieves when they open their stolen goods. The results are sent to the evil genius who then posts them online.

Where’s Mark Rober when ya need him?

We need more glitter bombs!!!

Yeah, now they all Arrrr in their Carrrr.

Bleeb bought the boat on line from the Mardi Gras Parade Network, the pirates came with it. Make no mistake, Bleeb is of the most outstanding alien character

Could be worse. See if you can catch the geographical error.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G_L9tXEwmc

That’s not Bleeb, that’s Salty Bob.

Seeing that a good many of those packages are mundane things only valuable to the person who ordered them, it seems like it is a big risk for little reward (especially with the frequency of security cameras running).

Unfortunately, this is ringing too true to be laughed at for me.

Idiots. You’re supposed to steal them when they’re not there.

Avast ye swabs, thar be some Amazon treasure off the starboard bow! I’ll be havin’ the large parcel, you swabs can…. oh crap….aw jeez….holy shnikeys….wow MAN that hurts! What’s wrong Cap’n, are ye shot? No…worse! I stepped on a pirate LEGO® that was right behind me!

“And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains,

Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains…"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuGGNsE3_8Y

Boozing yesterday, piracy today, Bleeb needs to straighten himself out or he may be recalled to his home planet.

It took how many years to come up with this?

the lookout has her distracted while the pirate grabs the treasure. they have a little helper with them.

It has happened to me – it ain’t no fun!

Hope they like 500 bugs including mealworms (true story: porch pirate stole a package only to leave it behind when she discovered 500 different kinds of bugs meant for the owner’s pet iguana)

Shouldn’t the porch pirates wear masks?

I highly recommend leaving a box of nicely packaged canine excrement out for humans of this sort!