Close to Home by John McPherson for September 19, 2020

So you found a good natured Amish girl. A little to old fashioned for my taste, but what ever floats your boat.

Please tell me if there’s some butter in that churn.

Hmm… all I can say is, cartoon boy had better be finished rotatin’ my tires. Oh well, story time.

Gather ‘round kids! It’s time for yet another mask story from yer ‘ol Uncle Dobie! So there I was, just walkin’ along, mindin’ my own bidness, when it happened again! I sneezed! This time the little rubber bands on my mask just “SNAPPED” and the mask shot off my face like a guided missile from a Navy Warship! Well, what happened next, took me by complete surprise! When it “fired” off of my face like a missile, it “nailed” a pigeon that just happened to be flying across my path! Now… the very first thing that came to mind in that very instant, was when Randy Johnson unintentionally beaned a dove with a fastball that flew between him and the batter during a 2001 spring training game in Tucson. The second thing to cross my mind in that instant, was “holy shamoley” I hope someone got that on their PiPhone or whatever smartphone Samstone or Gooble makes… only to see that there was nobody around at all! So, there’s no YooTube “likes” for me, no video evidence to mark this point in history, no fame, no cover photo on Shports Illustrating, no nuthin! Then… all of a sudden, as if it was meant to be, in that very same instant…… my alarm clock went off and I woke up!

Rare that. Usually, that sort of person is happily employed at a national park re-enacting the American Revolution. I wonder if there are ever going to be any “year 2020” re-enactors?

She really is old fashioned. She has her own musket.

Happily, she makes a mean martini – shaken, not churned…

Unfortunately, the clothing Ruth wears for churning butter is also what she wears to bed.

I thought Ruth was the one in the black dress at first

That’s the biggest churn I’ve ever seen.

He’s all excited tonight’s the night he gets to see her ankles.

I’m guessing Ruth is not an NRA member.

I’d say it was Bill who’s the fortunate one, whose significant other there is quite possibly the only very-nearly-attractive woman in McPhersonland.

Better than a “butter face,” eh, dude?

Churned butter once or twice living in an Amish Paradise… (thanks, Weird Al…)

“Give me a girl, just like the girl, that married dear old Dad”…….

She was skinning squirrels at the time. What a gal!

Methinks that thou art somewhat living in past ages.

Looks like he eats well and cheaply too.

“I tell ya, Bill, there’s nothing better than a gal from a red state where you can take your pick from many a hand maiden.”

“And WOW! What a gatherer!!”

An old-fashioned girl into voodoo?

NRA banquet.

Well, that’s about as old fashioned as you can get.

I feel sorry for her because John’s people never have chins, and her bonnet tie probably keeps rolling up into her mouth.

They always say be careful what you wish for.

She really does have good hand skills. I’m impressed!