Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for September 25, 2020

Would you rather hear about his hook-ups?

And he’s always talking about “plugging into the grid.” Like he was visiting the Matrix. It’s creepy.

And so very touchy-feely.

I hear he likes to butt dial.

It had occurred to me (and other people) before that “dialing” a number is an odd term to apply to a cell phone. I hadn’t thought about it, but “hanging up” is an anachronism, too.

I heard that he has a hardware for Siri.

Well, you like to go on-and-on about your network and your connections!

Must be on AT&T….

You want to ignore him? I’m sure there’s an app for that.

At first glance, I thought they were all mirrors.

Don’t you dare mention butt calls!

For the way they’ve been drinking, they must have four bars.

Yeah, I know what you mean, I dropped him myself.

He’s so 3G in a 5G world.

“Hang up the phone!” It just doesn’t make sense anymore! Maybe “Put down the phone!” Or I don’t know … opening it up for suggestions.

I heard he loses his grip from reality

Just wait till he asks you to pair.

“Hi, honey… Long time! Wanna get together?” ‘Hummmm’

Maybe you should block him.