Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for October 11, 2020

It’s actually a pork chop phobia, but he used to watch a lot of The Simpsons.

One ringy-dingy…

Oh no? I have an applesauce phobia! Let me explain. Buried far in the back of my fridge is a bottle of name-brand applesauce that has been in there for at least ten years! I know it is not fit for consumption; but I cannot just toss a bottle of (presumptively spoiled) applesauce down the trash chute to the dumpster some floors down from my condo. I dither over how to dispose of it. Is that not a phobia of some applesauce sort?

Fortunately, for heaven’s sake, I have no Bert Convy memorabilia. Hmm. Who the holy frog does?!

I could try poisoning pigeons in the park, per Tom Lehrer, I suppose…. https://tinyurl.com/lpbtpuf

Bert will be in your dreams tonight begging you to keep all that stuff.

A little-known fact about Euell Gibbons: He would eat anything, even a wooden plaque given to him by Sonny and Cher¹. But he abhorred applesauce, even on his Grape-Nuts™.

-———

¹ It was an edible prop

Hank Kingsley did.

…in the lobby of Heartbreak Hotel…

…1960 life coaches for Dean Martin & Sammy Davis Jr…

…the Talk Dirty To Me Phone Clubs’s Mormon Edition made tons of money…

… Commies and Kittens were trying their best to get the Goldwater vote out there…

… this part of the postcard campaign was not ever talked about…

…sorry, sir, you wanted the Frog ’Applesauce ’ hot line…

…

I wouldn’t say I have an applesauce phobia. Just well reasoned reservations about the perils of crushed apples.

Bert Convy. A name that I know I’ve heard, but would have to look up to see who it actually is or was. Evidently someone capable of generating memorabilia, though.

The password is, “Frog Applesauce”.

Oh… that’s two words. But hey… nobody is ever going to guess it then.

Pork chops and applesauce…

All I remember about Bert Convy is his hair helmet …!

But don’t you dare touch my Florence Henderson collection!

First; it all started when my big brother put that thing in my applesauce.

Second; do you have any idea how much a Bert Convy baseball card is worth?

What’s new on on the words for daily living…

These are a few of the catchy phases that will be the in thing crossing the phone lines.

Things are starting to make more sense now. When I first started getting static from people that placed a perceptual overlay on what I saw, it was a little upsetting. Seeing how the different probable realities interact has given me new insight on what I had been experiencing. While people were really enacting one path of existence, they were projecting another. My initial assessment of it being like a bubble that is projected from an internal pressure of falsehoods was pretty much right on. According to my memories in the reality where I’m a guy who took on the surveillance pickle infrastructure, with the help of the Christmas Spirit and a Spiritualist, the reality being projected is a nearby probability that has failed in this particular iteration. It is literally the result of a collapsing wave of probability when reality is measured on a quantum scale. The moment we know is uncertain until we experience it. Except for that Spiritualist in that other probably reality. She knows the moment even before it is experienced. By quieting my expectations and not exporting my inferences prior to experience, I really was causing reality to collapse from a wave function to a fixed state of being. This is not to say that I was CAUSING the reality, only that by the observation of it, it became real. Observation was inevitable. I was really only ahead of the curve on the realization. I’m more like Vi than like the me in that probable existence then. In my case, the Christmas Spirit is more like the Hallowe’en Spirit, and the encounter is an encounter with the stillness of the inner self.

OK, wow, we’re just going to ridicule people with applesauce phobia now?