Adam@Home by Rob Harrell for March 28, 2021

“Let’s pretend I’m grounded for life.”

Make sure you get a video when Adam releases the angry trash panda

Adam: “Then let’s pretend you are giving up your allowance for the next 6 months to pay for it all. Fun game.”

“Let’s pretend we set out a humane trap and release the boy in a field across town.”

I shot a racoon inside the house once. Three or four in the morning, the dogs go crazy, I stumble out in my boxers and discover a coon perched in a defensive position on the water line leading into the washing machine. Dogs lunging and snarling, the coon doing the same. I manage to drag the dogs away and lock them in the spare bedroom. Now the smart thing would have been to go back to bed and let the dang thing get out the way it came in. But at 3 or 4 in the morning in my boxers I was not smart. I grabbed the .22 rifle and took aim from the back door. No idea how at 3 or 4 in the morning in my boxers with a scoped rifle I was able to pluck the poor thing off while he was hiding in the back of the washer but I did. The moment I pulled the trigger I thought “This is dumb” and it was. I got him and he flopped around for a bit covering ceiling, walls and floors with blood. My neighbors are not close but close enough to wonder about a gun shot before the sun is up. In my boxers wiping blood off of too many places I worried about the police showing up and asking where my wife was. “Honest officer she is at her mother’s!”

I shot a racoon in my house once. That will never happen again.

I once shot a raccoon in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I will never know… ( stolen from the great Groucho Marx)

Uh-oh, Adam, you’ve got way more problems than just shredded upholstery! That raccoon has undoubtedly pooped all over your car’s interior … and raccoon poop contains a particularly nasty parasite, which doesn’t bother the raccoon but can be devastating as it tunnels through humans looking for a raccoon … which it never finds. Per the CDC: “Baylisascaris infection is caused by a roundworm found in raccoons. This roundworm can infect people as well as a variety of other animals, including dogs. Human infections are rare, but can be severe if the parasites invade the eye (ocular larva migrans), organs (visceral larva migrans) or the brain (neural larva migrans).” (https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/baylisascaris/)

Now let’s pretend that Ms Fancy is having a tea party with the raccoon….

Am I the only one that wants to go out to the garage and take a peek?

Pretend it’s time for a new car.

Wow!

Sooo, we’re talking about a pretend grounding here, right?

“Now, pretend you have to punish your child for doing something wrong. Do you A) Elicit a promise to never do it again and forget all about it? or B) Give him extra dessert for being so honest?”

C) all of the above & your still grounded….

Makes you long for another pretend tea party ,eh Adam ?

Adam then says, "Let’s further pretend that I ground the person, my son, until his 35th birthday…….

what would make him want to put the raccoon in the car. why not put the can of tuna outside the garage and then when the raccoon comes out to eat the tuna, close the garage door.

Clayton is soooooooo in trouble

Can we pretend we didn’t have this conversation?

Someone may be getting a dose of reality.

Rut Roh…..weird coincidence. Was just out for my morning walk with my dog and passed by a neighbors apartment on the ground floor near their patio. There was this loud crashing noise coming from a metal box on the patio that looked like an animal trap but heavy duty solid metal. I was thinking that it might be a raccoon by the sound of the trashing against the door trying to get out. I felt sorry for the creature, but I know they can be trouble. Hopefully they will take it to a safe area and release it.

At least it was not a skunk!

I hope that “State Farm” has seen that before and knows how to fix it.