Super-Fun-Pak Comix by Ruben Bolling for May 28, 2021

“Yo!”

Chapter 1

The Gathering Storm

“Looks like rain today dear.”

Would the judges accept entries in holographic 3D animation? Do they have appropriate playback equipment so I don’t have to 3D print frames?

Caption 1.

How to serve gazpacho. That’s a great cookbook you is reading, dear.

…

Caption 2.

I’m just waiting for you to finish reading “The return of the chaos butterfly”. Make it quick, before he flaps his wings again.

…

Caption 3.

Adventures of Percival Dunwoody idiot time traveller from 1909, eh? He shoots Hitler in the last chapter. Whoops. Sorry about the spoiler, dear.

…

Caption 4.

Are you done with the book yet? I is hungry. Go make me some gazpacho, and a sammich too while you’re at it.

…

Caption 5.

Y’know, I had the weirdest dream last night. Tom Cruise was having an affair with the ghost of James Caan.

I came home today on a STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE! Sitting next to me was a Buddhist monk who inquired about my chakras. I told him owing to bad karma, I had lost them from a boat where they were swallowed by MOBY DICK! It also seemed that there was a gentleman in the whale name of JOB!

“I couldn’t help but notice, dear Ishmael, that you have started reading a very hefty tome.” Chapter I — When He Called Her ‘Ishmael’

“Can you believe we’re stuck in this lame panel?”

“I pharted.”

“Ho, Diomed, well met! Do you sup with Glaucus to-night?” said a young man of small stature, who wore his tunic in those loose and effeminate folds which proved him to be a gentleman and a coxcomb.

“Do you ever get the feeling you’re just a character in a one panel cartoon, drawn by an artist who, under pressure to meet a deadline and facing increasing competition in an interconnected world, has desperately seized on the “caption contest” trope to stave off unemployment for another day?"

Dear, the cat and I are leaving you to run away and join the circus.

“Remembrance of Days Past”

Dear, remember that time we were sailing in the South China Sea when we were struck by that huge typhoon. ’08 I think it was. Anyway, I was thinking that was some mighty fine gazpacho we had for dinner that night. Any chance we could have it again sometime?

These new “sofa-potties” are VERY comfortable. I may just sit here all night!

“Dear, have you seen the kids? I can’t remember where I left them.”

“Sir. We are in the library reading room and I would appreciate it if you would be quiet.”

Man: ?

Woman: !

“My wife is a slut!”

(It works on two levels, because the woman in the panel may or may not be his wife.)

“What’s for dinner?”

“Deities, what a cloaca!”

TL:DR

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walked into a caption…

Nice weather we’re having.

“There was never a moment in my life when I felt truly alive”

“Yes, Dear. You’re right.”

Do you know, Dear, who is Ruben Bolling?