Monty by Jim Meddick for April 28, 2021

Meanwhile, the waiting room is full of masochists.

I had a dentist like this. She’s was scary! And, I didn’t stay her patient, of course.

I changed providers when the local doctor in my plan turned out to be a fan of “Drowning Pool”.

Check please!

Monty has the best dentist. The one that just love his job.

I had a good laugh while waiting for a cystoscopy….as difficult as that might be to comprehend…… My doctor whistling ‘The Wizard of Oz’ tune “If I only had a brain!” as he was walking through the surgical suite.

please change the music you’re singing with before I give you a reason to leave those headphones on.

The only time I cried at the dentist was in the Navy, for a cleaning. The Dental Technician (I call her “Brunhilda”) was metaphorically kneeling on my chest grinding away, and grunting “I wouldn’t have to do this if you would floss!”

Well, a happy dentist. Contradicting the general impression of depression and suicide in the profession.

Reminds me of the Steve Martin song and dance from “Little Shop of Horrors!”

When I was young and just a bad little kid

My momma noticed funny things I did

Like shootin’ puppies with a B B gun

I’d poison guppies, and when I was done

I’d find a p**y cat and bash its head

That’s when my momma said(What did she say?)

She said "My boy, I think someday

You’ll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay"

You’ll be a dentist

(Be a dentist)

You have a talent for causing things pain(Pain)

Son, be a dentist(Son, be a dentist)

People will pay you to be inhumane(Inhumane)

Your temperament’s wrong for the priesthood

And teaching would suit you still less

Son, be a dentist you’ll be a success

[GIRLS]Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!

Watch him shoot up that gas, oh my God

He is a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good

Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade?[PATIENT]

I was put into an MRI type device for radiation treatments on my face. The tech forgot one day that I didn’t want any music during the treatment and I had to listen to “Highway to Hell.”

Could be worse. Monty could have his dental implants tune into a radio station which plays nothing but the Police 24-7.

No need to fear until the arm and leg clamps pop out of the chair…

Is there a punchline hiding here somewhere?

Well, it’s only a little bit encouraging that at least he did not want to hear the screams.

Worth reposting: “The good news is that your lifelong irrational phobia of dentists will go away this week. The bad news is that it will be replaced by an entirely rational, wholly justified fear of dentists.” —The Onion horrorscope

One of the many sadnesses in Les Miserables (the miserable ones) was Fantine, newly out of work and desperate to raise money to fend off starvation for herself and her little girl, agreeing to have one of her teeth removed (without anesthetic, of course) to be sold to some rich person as a replacement for one of their own.

Anne Hathaway won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in what was probably the shortest screen-time exposure in the history of that category for that scene and her game rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream”, the apotheosis of which was Susan Boyle’s 2009 performance on Britain’s Got Talent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

My dentists have always been nice, but one time, I had “Attila the Hygienist” who was just murder.

Monty, don’t be a fool! You have a very good dentist—who just happens to be an even better sadist….