Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for May 01, 2021

Wouldn’t having asymmetric ears give Phoebe super-hearing, like owls have?

Sheesh! Why don’t you poof up a contract, Marigold?

I low-key wish Ferny did something other than just have a cool-sounding name and be colored with a cool shade of black.

Marigold: Not to mention you sound like an average little girl while I sound like the Princess from Pastel Unicorns. Or she sounds almost as majestic as me anyway.*

Phoebe: Third, I don’t know whether to see that as a compliment or an insult. Fourth, a bit too meta don’t you think?

*Referring to Nicole Oliver’s reading of a book with Dana.

um… how did Phoebe not know she had one ear higher than the other?

In fact, we humans seem to find almost perfect symmetry very attractive. Almost all of us are to some extent asymetric. And “one ear slightly higher” is one of the more common ways that happens. Eyes the same.

Don’t tell Marigold about any imperfections she has that you may notice. She’d never survive the stress.

Actually, one ear is not higher than the other. She’s just drawn that way.

Great advice.

Not to mention her lack of a horn.

Yeah, having a big ego isn’t worth the effort. A big Eggo, on the other hand…

“The left knee is knobbier, almost imperceptibly thicker than the right knee and this unnoticeable flaw now seems overwhelming and we all lose interest”

At least Marigold was too polite to bring up Phoebe’s glaring Imperfection That Shall Not Be Named.

And of course Phoebe has long hair so we can’t see that.

Or we can look at Phoebe’s picture in the ad for “Virtual Unicorn Experience”, which may appear below.

Without egos we would be zombies. Too much ego and we can be monsters.

“First, thank you. Second, HEYYYYY.”

(senses dialogue I cannot imagine a living being saying in a natural way)