Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 24, 2021

… well, I just thought it was a mustache, that’s all…

…and with no lip hair…

…they look like an extension…

…which reminds me…

…when I was young I thought all politicians were gay…

…because my mom used to always say they never gave a straight answer…

…and don’t ask what she said about the Fuller Brush Man…

..something about a womb broom…

…and being a sucker…

…and the free demonstration always took slightly longer than Underdog…

..but it sounded like mom was always amazed…

…I looked at Frank as he talked this gibberish…

…but it was the last time I asked my cousin if his nose hairs were real…

Straw man argument. I never said it wasn’t.

One of the things that’s been slacked during the pandemic is nose hair trimming due to having to wear a mask all the time. On a possibly related and quite disturbing note, I think I’m beginning to resemble Hitler.

A dense crop will provide a toupee.

My perpetual, constant sneezing should be proof enough. Aaaah-CHZXMPF!

They are the worst.

An autopsy proved a man cherishes plucking his nose hair with tweezers. He hemorrhages out the nose and dies.

While in St. Teresa’s cathedral, a man, Sean, confessed to Father O’Mally that he’s been cheating and lying about the hair in his nose! He’s led everyone to believe it was his own, when in fact, it was recently discovered, he had had nose hair implants, to impress his buddies! He always felt he was the runt of the group and wanted to impress them and look more manly! Father O’Malley, while snickering to himself, said, " My son, there’s no need for implants to impress anyone! Why, everyone already knows you had it done and they’re all impressed at the lengths you went through just to be a part of their group! Now go home, give it a good snip and forget the whole thing!" Sean felt so relieved he ran home, snipped out all the nose hairs, but he could not bring himself to throw the hair implants away…he paid good money for them so he stuffed them in a box and put it on the top shelf of his closet…just in case. Maybe one day, he’ll need them again…Sssssh! ( Ew)

The judge ordered that every fifth nose hair be placed across the adjacent four so that they could establish the quantity. He was a stickler for his evidentiary record.

Wait, is that tripartite illustration above the man’s picture a detail of the 5-Teresa note, the most common denomination of Froglandia currency? I think it might be!

Are there even nose merkins?

Still running free

Hair growing out

Every hole in me

.

Frank Zappa — Concentration Moon

Hair today, gone tomorrow …

I know, I know, snots funny …!

My nose hairs have proven real.

Sure, he lets his nose hair grow out, but I bet he’s just compensating.

I just have to run faster than my friend.

And as proof, here is a pair of tweezers to pull some of those hairs out.

Yuck! Like I care about your nose hair!

I have a tough enough time keeping my own in check—the tweezing often results in spasms of sneezing. Not fun….

Smell That Smell

Must be nose hairs burning.

Let’s go smoke a bowl. (Turn that flame down).

Ear Hairs! … and nicked earlobes … but I digress ….

Hint Possibly : is it legal there?

Day 2. —If you’re not the dictator of a grungy small former soviet country, you should be….

Pinocchio lied and his nose grew, nose hairs too. In the middle of winter, he found snot sickles, appearing and hanging from his hairs of the nose. So he went to Wentworth’s liquor store. Bought a pint of 10 high burro bin. Next morning he felt the need for some hair of the burro that bit him or kicked him.