Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for July 27, 2021

No they doesn’t leaves messages. They marks territories.

A farmer’s dog came into town, his christian name was RuntA noble pedigree had he, noblesse oblige his stuntAnd as he trotted down the street, ’twas beautiful to seeHis work at every corner and his work at every tree

He watered every gateway, too, and never missed a postFor piddling was his specialty and piddling was his boastThey city curs looked on amazed with deep and jealous rageTo see a simple country dog, the piddler of the age

Then all the dogs from everywhere were summoned by a yellTo sniff the country stranger o’er and judge him by his smellSome thought that he a king might be, beneath his tail a roseSo every city dog drew nigh and sniffed it up his nose

They smelled him over one by one, they smelled him two by twoAnd noble Runt, in high disdain, stood still ‘til they were throughThen just to show the whole shebang he didn’t care a dam’He trotted to a grocery store and piddled on a ham

He piddled in a mackerel keg, he piddled on the floorAnd when the grocer kicked him out, he piddled through the doorBehind him all the city dogs lined up with instinct trueTo start a piddling carnival and see the stranger through

They showed him every piddling post they had in all the townAnd started in, with many a wink, to pee the stranger downThey sent for champion piddlers who were always on the goWho sometimes did a piddling stunt or gave a piddling show

continued…

They sprung these on him suddenly when midway in the townRunt only smiled and polished off the ablest, white and brownFor Runt was with them every trick, with vigor and with vimA thousand piddlers more or less were all the same to him

So he was wetting merrily with hind legs kicking highWhen most were hoisting legs in bluff and piddling mighty dryThen on and on Runt sought new grounds, by piles of scrap and rust’Til every city dog went dry and only piddled dust

But ever on went noble Runt, as wet as any rillAnd all the champion city pups were peed to a standstillThen Runt did freehand piddling with fancy flirts and frillsLike “double drip” and “gimlet twist” and all those graceful things

And all the time this country dog did never wink nor grinBut piddled blithely out of town as he had piddled inThe city dogs a convention held to ask, “What did defeat us?”But no one ever put them wise that Runt had diabetes!

He’s bluffing. In truth, he couldn’t think of any snappy comebacks before.

Doggie Facebook.

“You don’t have to leave a message now. I’m right here.”

[“What are we (becoming) – people with cell phones?”]

My two little Westies leave P-Mail everywhere they go.

More dry humor.

Pee mail and smell check.

Our male chihuahua can go many, many hours without peeing. He goes outside and stands on the step, watching the female Boston terrier while she does he business in the morning, then he just—goes back inside. Bladder of steel!

The printer is out of paper.

That’s okay. I had other business that needed to get done.

He’s out of toner too.

Don’t you hate it when your ink cartridge goes empty in the middle of printing?

“What has taken me six hours and twenty cups of tea, he has achieved in fifteen minutes.” —Farley Mowat

Is there a theme-of-the-day for cartoons? Red and Rover is almost identical!