Close to Home by John McPherson for December 05, 2021

Missing socks metamorphize into unmatched tupperware lids.

“On a Roll” a pandemic documentary about the TP shortage by Ken Burns

Yup! These were MY socks starring in that documentary – they grabbed their salary and up and away they were…

Dry winter air! They left clinging to someone!

I was so disappointed that I missed the ‘79 food fight. I had just graduated college, so I was ineligible.

The giant slugs are harmless, really. In fact, they like people and want to snuggle. It’s just that they’re – - – - – - – - – well – - – - – - – - – - slugs.

And everyone knows that all clothes dryers contain access to tiny worm holes which may pull any small item, such as socks, into other dimensions.

Greatest Food Fight – ‘Animal House’

Should do a follow up to his baseball series, call it “The Mystery of the Missing Mike Schmidt”.

♬ Where do my socks go,

When I put ’em in the dryer… ♪♩

– Ray Stevens, 2005

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MebVaMiwgaI

Does anyone remember the food fight with Tony Randall and Jack Lemon in one of their movies? Around the world in 80 Days? Mostly cream pies.

Someone mistook Bleeb for a piece of food.

The missing socks are easy: how did you think ghost kept their feet warm in the winter?

I’d like to see the third one.

I am looking forward to the Burns film about the little-known 6th Calvary.

I’d be interested in seeing that documentary about socks

A nearby newspaper used to have a column called Ask the Answer Man. That person was very knowledgeable and good at answering tough questions. Once I sent him a question: Where do our socks, which we put in the laundry, disappear to? He actually published my question starting with: I assume you’re being facetious but here is the answer….

All dryers have a small trans-dimensional interface built into them. That’s where a sock goes. What’s funny is, where the socks go is pretty much full, causing an extra sock to pop out sometimes…

Isn’t there a Ken Burns Documentary about Ken Burns Documentaries?

The one I want him to make, is the documentary about when I take a bite of hot food, and it burns the roof of my mouth, why do I take another bite, burning the roof of my mouth again, when I know it’s still hot?

Who?

I wondered the same thing about pacifiers when my daughter was a baby! Never did find them…we’d always thought we’d find this mysterious hole in the house somewhere…

Ken Burns documents how socks disappear in the Bermuda Shorts Triangle…

Who knew Bleeb starred in three of Ken Burns’ documentaries. All three looked like pretty dangerous roles too.

Ken Burns, subject of a 12 part documentary on PBS next season!

They’re sold as a box set, “Ken Burns’s Bleeb Trilogy.”

nukahachoo? gesundheit

I didn’t realize I had lost two socks and a few days later was at work when I saw I had one blue and one black sock. Of course, two women spotted the difference and had to make a public announcement. (I used to work in a very dull office with petty people).

I explained that I liked the socks so much that I had bought two pairs.

I gave all my stray socks to a friend who had complained her son was growing another foot each year.

“Those giant slugs live in a park full of grass and trees.”

“Nukahachoo.”

“Gesundheit.”