Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 19, 2021

Way back when, a group of Cavalry on a scouting mission in the wilderness, with darkness approaching, decides to encamp for the night by a small narrow stream. One of the troopers comes to the Captain, & says we just caught trooper Smith in the dark, urinating into the water, a short distance upstream from where the men are refilling their canteens for tomorrows mission. How would you like us to punish him? The Captain says, punish him hell, that man is Officer material!

The medic at the way out in the boondocks Army post sends a frantic message to headquarters: “I’ve got 10 cases of berry-berry! What’ll I do?!”

Headquarters sends back: “Give it to the enlisted trash, they’ll drink anything!”

Red Hill Cutlery’s definition of functional is different from mine.

Good luck bringing that blade through airport security (if you’re bringing it to an out-of-state pocket knife convention).

Hello, all! I was unavoidably shanghaied the last couple of nights, but tonight I return. (Hark – are those french horns?) Anyhow, I’m still in Military Mode…

An all-female song-and-dance group was entertaining soldiers overseas. After their performance, it was dinnertime. The tour director asked, “So, Ladies, do you want to mess with the officers or the enlisted men?”

The performers looked at one another. Then one of them, shrugging her shoulders, said “We really don’t care, as long as we get something to eat first.”

Silver, lend me your snare drum, would you? Then I’m OUT! (But maybe not so proud…)

Tall people is a RBION theme tonight, so here’s a n on-topic joke.

A very tall man walks into a bar and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

“What’s that for?” the lady asks.

“Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me”.

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

’What’s that ?’ the lady asks again.

“Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV”.

Then the man drops his underwear and on his organ he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: “Don’t tell me you have AIDS!”

The man replies: “No, no…!!! Calm down…!!!It will say ADIDAS in a minute.”

Until next time.

A dumb blonde joke, but kind of less wholesome: Kinda dark, really: A blonde woman was in an emergency room. The tip of her index finger was shot off. “How did this happen?” a doctor asked. “Well, I tried to end my life,” she replied calmly. “Thank God it didn’t work! But…your finger?” “Well, first I put the gun to my chest—but I thought, Not after what I payed for these implants! So then I put the gun in my mouth—but I thought, not after what I paid for these teeth! I decided to put the gun to my ear, but I thought, This is gonna be real loud. And so, I put my other finger in my other ear before I fired.”

Dumb facr: I used to get Warren Buffett and Jimmy Buffet confused.

Ah, the hamster wheel of fortune. Can’t wait for the bonus round.

Weird name for the hamster. Mt. Gox was a Japanese cryptocurrency exchange that had to close in 2014 after losing 850,000 bitcoins worth $450,000,000.

So, the perfect knife for deep pockets. (I’m surprised that joke isn’t already taken)

So. It’s not the dolphins. Not the ducks. Not the bats. Not the Russians or the Chinese. IT’S THE HAMSTERS.

Take care, may Reynolds tin foil super salesman William “Milliner To The Ignorant Masses” Smithord be with you, and gesundheit.

“At times” even a crypto-illiterate as myself will outperform all the experts and stock exchanges in the world. And at times both I and the hamster will go bankrupt.

I want to invest in that Hedge Fund

He probably performs better than cheeseball phony Jimmy Buffet, too.

I don’t understand a word – anything – of the hamster blurb.

That word, “Functional,” I think it doesn’t mean what you think it does. What, other than being mentioned here, is it’s function? Obviously not cutting down trees, whittling statues, or slicing giant pizzas.

Sad how often Ripley’s well feature tallest man, woman whatever. However often the ones they feature are people with deformities from endocrine disorders that causes abnormal growth.

At 7 feet plus tall can she fine a date in Turkey?

I am willing to bet that at size, the pocket knife might be somewhat illegal to cart around.

Show the knife to Crocodile Dundee.

Never bring a knife to a gunfight.

I have enough trouble opening a normal sized pocketknife.