Close to Home by John McPherson for December 07, 2021

I could use some new underwear

Santa left a present under there…under where?

So, that’s what you get for being nice all the time: a dull life with antiquated holey underwear…(Sigh!)

Is that orange color I see?

More than that. You’ll get socks, too.

We could expect Sock Santa to deliver some presents to Grandpa and Grandma’s house.

I just read about a movement to encourage those who label gifts from Santa to only do so for the necessary stuff like sweaters and underwear. Any nice things should come from the parents. The idea is that the whole Santa bringing nice things for nice kids shtick means that kids whose families can’t afford nice things are left feeling like Santa thinks they’re no good.

We could avoid the whole thing by dropping the naughty-and-nice trap. Or just drop the whole Santa gimmick altogether. The real St. Nicholas (who was known primarily for helping the poor with necessities) would not like what’s become of him.

She forgot to mention, there’s “Jockey” Santa & “Fruit-of-the-Loom” Santa too.

Got a Grand Nephew with a truly scary Christmas list who going to get visit from the underwear Santa !

Dog must have walked all over her. Look close at the paw prints all over her dress. BAD DOGGIE!!

And don’t forget “Necktie Santa” for Dad.

Being older myself I only ask for underwear for xmas!

If you’re really bad you get used underwear.

Does that mean that there is also a Lingerie Santa for when you’ve been especially naughty? Nice!

Why does the dog look so sneaky, like he’s in on it? Underwear Santa doesn’t leave the dog anything, period.

Looks like “Ole Spot” might have left a little something under the tree, judging by his smirk !

It gets even worse. You get CLOTHES – dressy, itchy, UNCOMFORTABLE clothes that you’ll spend the next year having to wear because Mom thinks “OH YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME” in that choking necktie and/or tight turtleneck and those castration-grade high-rising pants. And you have to spend Christmas Day trying on (modeling) those clothes for the family before you finally get to play with the GOOD presents (from Grandma) – assuming there’s any more of the day left over by the time you’re done.

Speaking of which I could use another pair

Delivered complete with a wedgie too

One Xmas at the age of about 10, I “mentioned” after unwrapping a “gift” of three pairs of socks, that underwear and socks are a normal parental responsibility. Every birthday and Xmas thereafter, until I left home, and when I visited for the holidays, I received a wrapped gift of three pairs of socks.

HUMBUG!

Holy crap, I never knew that…I got underwear and socks.

Dear Santa,

It’s Christmas morning and I hope you enjoy the cookies I left you. I’m leaving you this letter to prove that I’m good, so please don’t leave me any underwear! If you will leave me one of those really cool awesome electric scooters, I promise to give you the antidote to the poison I put in the cookies you’re eating.

Dobie

And if you’re really bad, you get Hand Me Down underwear. …

Guess I was really bad as a kid.

He KNOWS if you’ve bad or good underwear boy….

I would like Santa to bring back my friends LeoJim, Po’Dawg, TheLost Wizard, and Strob. And all our other missing buddies.

Oh yeah, and underwear would be good too. :)

One year Santa gave me a book about how there was no census.

Hope you aren’t expecting your kids to support you in your dotage

1. You believe in Santa Claus.

2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.

3. You BECOME Santa Claus.

Oh, now she’s just making things up!

Then there is cheap golf ball santa!

I’m forever grateful that Santa was a fun part of Christmas that our parents never lied to us about, and we were grateful for practical gifts — but always had some gifts just for fun, too.