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Tonight, friends, I present a classic. (Translation: you’ve probably heard it before.) But, hey – don’t classics deserve revisiting from time to time? Who among us hasn’t seen Wizard of Oz at least five or six times? So without further adoodoo…
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!”
“But,” the man explains, “This isn’t just any dog; he’s a special dog. He can talk!”
“Oh, yeah? Well, prove it and your beer is on the house – let’s hear your dog talk.”
“No sooner said than done. Fido, what’s on the top of a house?”
“Roof!” says the dog.
“That wasn’t talking!” the bartender snarls. “C’mon, have him really say something.”
“OK,” the man says. “Fido, what’s on the outside of a tree?”
“Bark!”
The barkeep is getting pretty angry by now. “You got one more chance, Buddy. And if your dog doesn’t talk, I’m throwing you both outta here.”
Looking at the dog, the man implores, “Now, Fido, you heard the man; this is important! So who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” …and with that, man and dog find themselves out on the street, dusting themselves off.
The dog looks up at the man and asks, “Should I have said DiMaggio?”
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman”. She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man’s wife, overhearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by email lately.”
Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.
“Yes”, she replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”
Recorded sound has been around since 1877 C.E. So how do we even known sunbirds’ songs have been having the same tune for five hundred to one million years?
This entire RBION entry for today leads me to say “Not”!
First: asses and donkeys are of the same species, whether domestic or wild, and would not produce a “hybrid”. Archeological DNA research has determined that Kungas were indeed the crossbreeding of donkey (asses) and a horse. Ergo, MULES!
Second: I, like so many above, doubt the voracity of the “researchers” being able to determine the sound of a bird’s song being the same melody for 500,000 years! Despite the “Grandpa” explanation (cute). They could not possibly know, with any certainty that the melody has remained the same for 500,000 years! Are the words the same, also? I would submit that over the past 500,000 years the birds themselves have made some evolutionary change as well!
Third: as for the “stones” in the walrus stomachs, I would believe this would be on the order of gravel and sand. “Stones” might connotate something larger. It seems more plausible that since these animals do forage the bottom for mussels and mollusks that some ingestion of gravel and sand would be expected. However, it is most likely that these foreign objects pass naturally through the digestive system. If it didn’t, I’m sure the walrus would have some difficulty maintaining buoyancy!
I wonder if the Walruses are so very buoyant because of all their blubber that they need the stones to submerge, like a SCUBA diver in a wetsuit needs a weight belt?
Copy-&-Paste about 3 years ago
Walrus’s are full of other stuff too…PHEW!
eromlig about 3 years ago
Tonight, friends, I present a classic. (Translation: you’ve probably heard it before.) But, hey – don’t classics deserve revisiting from time to time? Who among us hasn’t seen Wizard of Oz at least five or six times? So without further adoodoo…
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!”
“But,” the man explains, “This isn’t just any dog; he’s a special dog. He can talk!”
“Oh, yeah? Well, prove it and your beer is on the house – let’s hear your dog talk.”
“No sooner said than done. Fido, what’s on the top of a house?”
“Roof!” says the dog.
“That wasn’t talking!” the bartender snarls. “C’mon, have him really say something.”
“OK,” the man says. “Fido, what’s on the outside of a tree?”
“Bark!”
The barkeep is getting pretty angry by now. “You got one more chance, Buddy. And if your dog doesn’t talk, I’m throwing you both outta here.”
Looking at the dog, the man implores, “Now, Fido, you heard the man; this is important! So who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” …and with that, man and dog find themselves out on the street, dusting themselves off.
The dog looks up at the man and asks, “Should I have said DiMaggio?”
Charlie Fogwhistle about 3 years ago
This is the joke I nearly posted last night.
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman”. She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man’s wife, overhearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by email lately.”
Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.
“Yes”, she replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”
Until next time.
Templo S.U.D. about 3 years ago
Recorded sound has been around since 1877 C.E. So how do we even known sunbirds’ songs have been having the same tune for five hundred to one million years?
pearlsbs about 3 years ago
What do you get if you mate smart asses with dumb asses?
pearlsbs about 3 years ago
I wonder where they got the recordings that were over 500,000 years old to compare them to.
therese_callahan2002 about 3 years ago
Then I guess ’Goo goo ga joob" is walrus talk for “I got stones in my belly.”
Huckleberry Hiroshima Premium Member about 3 years ago
So they were the ones responsible for all of today’s wild ass conspiracy theories. And there’s another one.
Take care, may irony lost on them all day long Kyle “I Saw It On The Internet So I Know It’s TRUTH” Rittenord be with you, and gesundheit.
judirapelje about 3 years ago
Mmmmm, rocks taste like chicken!!
basspro about 3 years ago
As far as the walrus is concerned, “Paul is dead”-Goo goo g’joob.
poppacapsmokeblower about 3 years ago
How did the sunbirds record their song 500,000 years ago to compare?
artegal about 3 years ago
And just how do we know what the sunbirds were singing 500,000 years ago?
markhughw about 3 years ago
Rocks are fattening
NoNameOntheBullet Premium Member about 3 years ago
This entire RBION entry for today leads me to say “Not”!
First: asses and donkeys are of the same species, whether domestic or wild, and would not produce a “hybrid”. Archeological DNA research has determined that Kungas were indeed the crossbreeding of donkey (asses) and a horse. Ergo, MULES!
Second: I, like so many above, doubt the voracity of the “researchers” being able to determine the sound of a bird’s song being the same melody for 500,000 years! Despite the “Grandpa” explanation (cute). They could not possibly know, with any certainty that the melody has remained the same for 500,000 years! Are the words the same, also? I would submit that over the past 500,000 years the birds themselves have made some evolutionary change as well!
Third: as for the “stones” in the walrus stomachs, I would believe this would be on the order of gravel and sand. “Stones” might connotate something larger. It seems more plausible that since these animals do forage the bottom for mussels and mollusks that some ingestion of gravel and sand would be expected. However, it is most likely that these foreign objects pass naturally through the digestive system. If it didn’t, I’m sure the walrus would have some difficulty maintaining buoyancy!
HUMPH! I say!
WCraft about 3 years ago
So walruses swallow cherries whole?
Charlie Fogwhistle about 3 years ago
I wonder if the Walruses are so very buoyant because of all their blubber that they need the stones to submerge, like a SCUBA diver in a wetsuit needs a weight belt?
stamps about 3 years ago
I guess those sunbirds have got earworms.
RalphKramden77 about 3 years ago
Boy, did that tune get old.
paranormal about 3 years ago
How does Ripley’s know the sunbirds sang the same song for 500,000 years? Did they have a correspondent there???
FassEddie about 3 years ago
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?
They’re both out looking for a tight seal.
lfperales about 3 years ago
How do the know that is the same tune the sunbirds have sung for 500,000 years?
diegot about 3 years ago
When John Lennon sang: “I am the walrus”, did he mean he was “stoned”?
^ about 3 years ago
It’s a hard life for walruses
ramonmister28 about 3 years ago
OK. I call BS on the bird song one. HOW would you KNOW WHAT was being sung before Cro-Magnon Appeared?
oakie817 about 3 years ago