T. S. Eliot may have thought April to be “the cruelest month” but I like it! It’s our first full month of spring, it’s the month we celebrate tulips and daffodils here in Washington State, and it’s the month I got married. So to honor April and my anniversary, and perhaps to put a smile on your face, I salute both the month AND our Armed Forces:A group of GIs are trying to get back to base before their leaves expire. They get to the train station, but they’ve already spent all their money on girls, booze, and other necessities, and the station master absolutely refuses to let them aboard without a ticket. As the enlisted men are pleading their case, a young captain from the same base strides up, sees the commotion, and asks the station master, “What’s the problem here?”
“Well, Sir, these men are trying to get aboard the train, but they don’t have tickets.”
“You just leave this to me,” the captain tells him. Then he turns to the soldiers and barks out, “Atten-HUT! About face! Forwaaaaard, MARCH!!” and the soldiers march right past the surprised station master onto the train.
Once aboard, the uniformed men relax and begin to thank the officer, but he stops them. “Don’t thank me, boys. I needed you as much as you needed me.”
Here’s a rather unpretentious little joke involving coffee, Irish or otherwise:
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
She replied, “Yeah…but I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”
Morning. The need for coffee never ends. Apologies in advance to those who may find this one offensive.
A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch. “1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife’s going to kill me”, he thinks to himself. But as he’s trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on the floor.
“I’m just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up.”
So he asks the bartender for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again, falling to the floor, this time, even harder.
At this point he realizes he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his sleeping wife and passes out.
The next morning his wife wakes him up and starts shouting at him, “So… how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?”
The man is certain his wife was asleep when he got home so he tries to play it cool. “Not really, just hanging with some coworkers… we didn’t drink much… just a couple of beers.”
His wife starts nodding sarcastically and responds: “The bar owner called this morning. You left your wheelchair there.”
For the Life of me, I can’t figure out how they could determine this? But I have always had the belief that it does happen, given the milliseconds to do it, but it was your operating system (brain) scanning all it’s files, searching for a way stop your death.
For those of you with questions about the MRI knowing about the dying mans final thoughts, another RBION commenter provided this link above, but it was a reply to a comment rather than a new comment, so it was somewhat “hidden”https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-60495730
eromlig about 2 years ago
T. S. Eliot may have thought April to be “the cruelest month” but I like it! It’s our first full month of spring, it’s the month we celebrate tulips and daffodils here in Washington State, and it’s the month I got married. So to honor April and my anniversary, and perhaps to put a smile on your face, I salute both the month AND our Armed Forces:A group of GIs are trying to get back to base before their leaves expire. They get to the train station, but they’ve already spent all their money on girls, booze, and other necessities, and the station master absolutely refuses to let them aboard without a ticket. As the enlisted men are pleading their case, a young captain from the same base strides up, sees the commotion, and asks the station master, “What’s the problem here?”
“Well, Sir, these men are trying to get aboard the train, but they don’t have tickets.”
“You just leave this to me,” the captain tells him. Then he turns to the soldiers and barks out, “Atten-HUT! About face! Forwaaaaard, MARCH!!” and the soldiers march right past the surprised station master onto the train.
Once aboard, the uniformed men relax and begin to thank the officer, but he stops them. “Don’t thank me, boys. I needed you as much as you needed me.”
“How so, Sir?” asks one of the GIs.
“I didn’t have a ticket, either.”
jasonsnakelover about 2 years ago
One time I had 70 gallons, 413 gallons, 551 gallons and weighed 191 pounds.
This one sucks because it’s about booze.
To cure a toothache people were once told to either pluck the tooth of a mole or cut off its feet and wear them as an amulet.
monkeysky about 2 years ago
The complexity of fungal networks is really incredible. I don’t know if we’ll ever even get close to understanding it.
Charlie Fogwhistle about 2 years ago
Here’s a rather unpretentious little joke involving coffee, Irish or otherwise:
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
She replied, “Yeah…but I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”
Until next time.
Templo S.U.D. about 2 years ago
That Chicago cup of joe from last month: how many patrons did it take to swig it down?
Caldonia about 2 years ago
Come on, they came to that conclusion because of one dead guy? And now I’m ascared of routine brain tests. Darn.
James Wolfenstein about 2 years ago
Immortality starts to sound appealing… Can you imagine? The whole Netflix flashing before my eyes! AGAIN!!!! :D
DawnQuinn1 about 2 years ago
Since trees do NOT have brains it is doubtful that they communicate.
FassEddie about 2 years ago
An elderly man “dies unexpectedly” during a brain scan, eh?
I bet they found the off switch.
Charlie Fogwhistle about 2 years ago
Morning. The need for coffee never ends. Apologies in advance to those who may find this one offensive.
A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch. “1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife’s going to kill me”, he thinks to himself. But as he’s trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on the floor.
“I’m just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up.”
So he asks the bartender for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again, falling to the floor, this time, even harder.
At this point he realizes he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his sleeping wife and passes out.
The next morning his wife wakes him up and starts shouting at him, “So… how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?”
The man is certain his wife was asleep when he got home so he tries to play it cool. “Not really, just hanging with some coworkers… we didn’t drink much… just a couple of beers.”
His wife starts nodding sarcastically and responds: “The bar owner called this morning. You left your wheelchair there.”
Until next time.
dv1093 about 2 years ago
I hope he made a profit on that “drink” – and used cheap whiskey.
198.23.5.11 about 2 years ago
Last scene of the dead man’s life—he says “I’m suing you idiots!”
CEER45 about 2 years ago
AND THEY KNOW THIS HOW……?
elvisgirl3 about 2 years ago
For the Life of me, I can’t figure out how they could determine this? But I have always had the belief that it does happen, given the milliseconds to do it, but it was your operating system (brain) scanning all it’s files, searching for a way stop your death.
poppacapsmokeblower about 2 years ago
“Routine brain test,” is an oxymoron, especially if it kills you.
ncorgbl about 2 years ago
‘Q’ipley’s Believe It or Not
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 2 years ago
My guess is the trees are pretty pissed off and spreading the word.
Take care, may Brazilian street dancer Jorjita “Se Você Está Feliz E Sabe Que Ele Grita Sua Cabeça Tola” Locotord be with you, and gesundheit.
Charlie Fogwhistle about 2 years ago
For those of you with questions about the MRI knowing about the dying mans final thoughts, another RBION commenter provided this link above, but it was a reply to a comment rather than a new comment, so it was somewhat “hidden”https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-60495730
olmon about 2 years ago
https://www.restaurantji.com/mi/interlochen/hofbrau-steak-house-and-american-grille-/